Poem -
Naked
I let you down by simply being me
By being all those things you seem to love
We both (subject to needful tyranny)
draw solace from such things we cannot prove.
An emptiness so full of aching hope
Should drown the sea which holds us fast apart
Its echo blights the sunbeams ~ as you grope
In cold forbidden chambers of my heart.
For as you crush the dust-mites of my soul
And open windows on those airless rooms
I feel (at last!) the dreadful crushing toll
Exacted by the shame that Iβve become.
The shame of what I am ~ What I despise
The shame of standing naked in your eyes.
Β
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Comments
Hi sweetheart, This is a brilliant piece of work,Β
I love it and you ...so muchΒ
Your Lorna
xxxx
Ear to ear...
I love you too.
your Jason xxx
Wow!! I can TOTALLY feel this write JASON!!......relationships are difficult things for someone like myself.....I don't know about you but I've been on my own most of my life......so opening all those "forbidden chambers" was (and still is at times) a stumbling block for me.....you've written something so relatable for me here that it's spooky.....I hope I haven't misinterpreted your write but it brought up so much for me.....one of my favorite things about reading poetry is precisely this......writing and reading the VERY personal is helpful in SO MANY ways .......I LOVE this piece brother poet!!.......NAKED .......more than revealing!!......PINNED this one!!......LOVE and ROCKETS!!.....T xo ?ββ΄β³
Thank you, Tony.
Your interpretation was, of course, spot on. If we can't write from the depth of our own experience; irrespective of how difficult that can be sometimes: then what are any of us really doing...as artists and as people?!
We write to say to the world, "This is me!"...we readΒ to know that we are not alone...
We are not alone...my dear friend.
J ;)
I like it too..it's fabulous..I can almost feel the silver fish from the past forming..Its delicious for my hunger of entwining words..love it..
The silver fish dart through moonbeams of the present too...on their way to the native stream...to live and die.
Thanks...
J ;)
Jason, this is the 'pure' Maple, the Lamborghini with a beating soul, I love this poem....cheers poet
'Should drown the sea which holds us fast apart
Its echo blights the sunbeams ~ as you grope
In cold forbidden chambers of my heart.'
Β
Thanks Christopher.
I very much appreciate your kind words and strange metaphors.
J ;)
Never be ashamed of your voice Jay. Its rather beautiful.Β
So is yours.
Keep singing...cursing...and being.
Hi, Jason!
Your poem is so impassioned and full of vivid imagery! Your words flow beautifully and while you expose vulnerability, I feel strength in your honesty!
Well-done!
LindaΒ
Β
Thank you so much, Linda.
That means a lot.
J ;)
Its a beautiful piece. I relate a lot since theres clearly a lot of vulnerability in this one. I love the imagery of opening a window, I've used that in a few of my own pieces as I feel like loving someone is like letting the air back in the room and indeed when they leave its like they take it right out with them. Thank you for sharingΒ
Thank you, Lauren
J ;)
Jason... how masterfully the soul is stripped thin and the heart finds no solace in warmth.Β The open windows permit the view of nakedness so stark that this read is painful.Β The shame...it is dry and wretched.Β This sonnet is more than just imagery...it sears the eyes...and catches the breath of the reader. Β
val
Β
Thank you so much, Valerie.
Your words are deeply flattering...and very much appreciated.
J ;)
Gorgeous ink Sir Jason. your work always leaves me inspired and a little breathless.
Β