Poem -

No lentil beans before bedtime unless...

(alternately titled: unrelenting flatulence)

No lentil beans before bedtime unless...

Ya wanna count bajillion sheep,
but tween gluteus maximus powerful
natural gas explosions during sleep
(ass suspected source) – courtesy missus
she served me lentil beans piled outsize heap
sinister been off fish shunt ploy

spouse I may no longer keep,
cuz dream house went up in flames
reduced to ashes smoldering (Uriah hit) heap
an feeble attempt made to extinguish courtesy
urination which suddenly found me awoke
moments ago groggily awakened out deep

slumber out requisite snooze,
cuz I bean dog tired exhausted fuel
driving one clunky body electric jeep

wee hours way after midnight night owl
in case ya give fig yore hot heave hoot
blasted tremendously nonstop
rendering air to smell foul
while my little chickadee evinced similar
disposition, she too did pepper her muttering

with expletives, and did growl
snarling evidenced yours truly espied scowl
unrepentant and threatened to apply dowel
well, I need not specify, "a" specific vowel
one cheeky spouse,
would find yours truly to howl

no pretty picture me bean
while slowly turning unnatural green,
henceforth rushed to emergency room
whereby team of alien specialists,
who casually did primp and preen

mistaking convincingly verdant colored
hue man as martian ready for Halloween,
and said practitioners loathe to intervene
reckoning yours truly -
with other worldly mien,

would conveniently scare bejesus
among any hooligan tween
ready and willing to cause mischief
while prowling for methamphetamine,
or other drug of choice

one motley crew member seen
dodging, evading, fording... police
eventually cornered unlike Steve McQueen
(the late actor), who escapes behind screen
of smoke unscathed unlike

formerly acquitted, alluded mean
and aforementioned hoodlum
who suffers gunshot wound
rushed to same hospital
lay disabled fugitive ruffian took lead
fired into buttucks bullet punctured

evident by derriere oozing bloodshed
as self, both us nearly dead,
asthma doppelganger wed
did in sweat upon abdomen,
now aching pain in ass spread red
hot poker radiating throbbing inside

excruciating did quickly thread
into noggin i.e. fifty shades red
dully permeated gray matter
inducing severe agony with head,
though mustered energy to scrawl

obituary envisioning said
on same page as op/ed
gallows humor sought instead
of relief courtesy synthesized drug,
thus laughter as best medicine

linkedin chowing down unsuspected bean
dish licked plate sparkling clean
mental note made to avoid
eating flatulence inducing food

prepared Das daring "frau" faux Queen,
though I certainly also enjoy keen
wah filling up growling hungry void,
and... appealing to this bonafide android
gluten free textured meals direction I lean.

Like 0 Pin it 0
Support CosmoFunnel.com

Support CosmoFunnel.com

You can help support the upkeep of CosmoFunnel.com via PayPal.

Log in to leave a comment.

Comments

Poem -

Redacting historical...

Redacting historical records...

at the capital expense
(compounded interest) of amortizing future
unborn generations who...

Poem -

Funny cover letter...

Funny cover letter accompanied with equally outlandish résumé

written more than two dozen
dirty deeds done dirt cheap years ago.
when we (the writer of...

Poem -

Rampant diabolical...

Rampant diabolical skulduggery...

my doppelgänger threatens victory to the death
squinting - first closing one than the other eye...

Latest poems in Comedy, Drama, Elegy, Epic, Freestyle

Poem -

Let The Reckoning Begin

Let The Reckoning Begin

When the sun goes down you're just as
self-righteous and full of bitterness.

In the end it...

Poem -

ONE MORE YEAR

ONE MORE YEAR

In the lead...

The Gifted Student Program is going to be shut down in New York City...

New...

Poem -

Drip Code

Drip Code

I wanna be
a modern acronym man

Wrapped in obscure letters
and perplexing
...

Advertise on CosmoFunnel.com