Not my fault

I wake each night in floods of tears,
sparkling streams of sorrow,

sorrow I have tried to escape for years,

sorrow that is full of fears,

but my fear is of you,

your face haunts me,

each time I close my eyes I am greeted by yours,

piercing into my soul,

the look of anger mixed with lust you wore that hellish night,

did you hear me,

did you hear my screams,

the painful pleas,

the terror in my shaky voice as I yelled to let me free,

did you not hear,

did you ignore me,

or worse ,

did you hear me oh so clearly and find pleasure ,

pleasure in my pain,

in my tears and screams,

when you ripped all of my clothes off,

what did you feel,

did it seem real,

because it was,

did you not feel guilt,

or did you think I would soon forget and heal,

I tried to fight back but you were stronger,

I fought until I could no longer,

you held me up by the throat,

squeezing stronger the more I gasped for air,

I thought I would die,

as I fell briefly unconscious ,

when I woke you stripped yourself bare,

and I realized you had tied me to your bed,

as you climbed on top me,

touching me,

your touch made my skin crawl,

you made me feel dirty,

while I screamed and begged for mercy,

but you went on further,

as you entered me the pain ,

the pain was so emmense,

that tears slid from my eyes,

I kept begging,

waiting for an ending,

but you just got faster,

thrusting with greater power,

until finally you stopped,

it had been some few hours,

although it felt like days,

when you untied me from your bed,

got dressed and walked away,

you left me in your bedroom,

broken bruised and bare,

left me with my mental scars,

and you didn't seem to care,

you may have defiled me,

left scars that last eternity,

but your actions don't define me,

so I hope you feel guilty,

I hope you feel remorse,

because finally I have realized,

it wasn't my fault,

it was yours