Not Sure, If I Am Ready To Forgive

 Look, the truth was what I had said

But you believed, a lie instead

That was, the decision that you made
With him, is where you stayed

You seem happy now
I do not understand how

You could even be, happy
Did you ever miss me?

I will never understand why
You, left me to cry

I was basically, a good kid
I always tried, to be kind I really did 

Though, time after time
I became a victim, to a sexual crime

I remained silent, for years just for you
I always did the best, I could do

I even dropped the charges, to see you happy like you were
In your golden days, lived before

I even spoke a word, sadly enough things did not change
I laid my heart on the line, just to re-arrange

What I felt,that it was me who had broken
By the truth, that had been spoken

But, you turned me into a manipulative liar
Why though, was it simply to require

His body, in your bed?
Emotionally, over the years I have bled

I guess, you wanted him instead
For me and you, all the hopes are forever dead

Because, if you really gave a damn about me
From what I can see, this would never of happened to me

I guess, I was not what you needed
For so many years, my heart has pleaded

For you to please, believe in me
But, that is something I will never see

Because, I can see it in your eyes
When you believe, I am telling you lies

After, you kicked me out of the house
To live with your spouse

It was with a complete, stranger I had to live
I am not even sure if I am ready to forgive

You, for what you allowed me to go through
Leaving me crushed, I still feel blue but you have no clue

That you caused me a permanent pain, alive every day
It is hard for me to forgive, because emotionally I pay

How, you could of grown so cold with me, when I was twelve years old
Is another dreaded mystery that I must unfold

Still today, you manage to wipe my happiness away
The poison in our history, will never go away, for me it will forever stay

It was not you, who had been truly deceived
You simply had been relieved of tears, as you received

A shoulder to cry on, but I was all alone to deal with everything
My heart was weak, my soul burned from the sting

I may have made it through
But, I did so without you

So do not blame my heart, for taking its distance
After lacking existence, in your own heart, mine created a form of protective resistance

Just do me a simple favor, imagine you were me and I was you
That you were a victim of abuse, and even when you knew it was true

I turned around and neglected you, or turned your way to say
Your lies hurt people, then I threw you away

Would your opinion about me change today?
Mom, you just simply took everything away, from me in one day

You did not warn me, that you would make me leave
I had no chance, to say goodbye to anyone, to this day I continue to grieve 

You seem to love, your grand-daughter a whole lot
It makes me feel that either you do not care, or have simply forgot 

The extreme, form of deception, lying within what you did to me
There is a rage, recently erupting inside of me, inside the blackened sea

That you had created, inside of me your daughter, but you did not know
That you are not truly forgiven, his crime's I was able to outgrow 

I am over it, just not the lie he told
But, the truth will eventually unfold

Then you will see, and you will feel sorry and you will regret
How can I forgive, when there is this pain that is impossible to forget

So, he meant more to you than I ever did before?
Well, I do not believe in you anymore, so when you walk through my front door

Acting, as if our past has been perfect and glitch free
Remember, what I could be thinking or feeling, because inside of me

You took the ax, to completely slaughter
The insides of your own daughter

Who sadly enough, you have lost a large portion of my heart
The day you caused her inner soul, to completely fall apart

I am fighting really hard to not take, my daughter and disappear
I know losing her is a reason, you live in fear

For you though, it would only be fair, seeming you did not care
To take everyone, I had ever known away from me, leaving my soul crying in despair

But, I wan't my little girl to have a grandmother, so lucky you
I won't take her away from you, but if there ever comes a day that I actually do

Just remember, you made me live that pain
But for now, my daughter and I remain