Not Yet

It hurts
It's driving me insane 
​​​​​​It's almost as if I have fire
Burning in my brain 
People telling me 
Things will be okay
Only it's haunting me
It won't go away
I beg God ask him why
And I try and I try
But tears drop,  and I cry

They didn't deserve it
Doctors told them 
That the cancer has grown
I'd spend more time with them
If I had known 
Only now I don't know 
When they may go 
And I'm scared 
I'm scared to loose anyone 
I want more time
I know doctors can help
Only I fear the worst 
I try to focus on myself
Only I'm really struggling
I'm weak 
I don't want to speak 
God what did I do
​​​​​​What should I prove to you
You had my love
You had my whole heart
Yet you chose to 
Tear it apart.

​​​​I'm scared to loose them
Please, not yet. ​