Only Children Know

It’s hard, you know?
Not believing in you.
I wasn’t there to watch you go.
They say you love me, is it true?
 
He was only five.
You left him, a child.
Why didn’t you survive,
The fires that burned so wild?
 
I wasn’t five, I don’t know what I was.
Is that how you feel now?
A wet wind feeds the moss.
I tried to stay it, but I don’t know how.
 
I felt you for a while.
I could see your face in the water
Each time the moon tide came I saw your smile
And I heard your voice, the breeze's sweet murmur.
 
You kissed my head.
I was sixteen, I remember.
I blew them all out; one-by-one.
Sixteen dreams of you.
 
That all stopped.
Why did it end?
No one ever told me why.
I’ve tried to reason with it.
 
They told me you were there.
I couldn’t feel it.
It doesn’t feel the same;
Your existence, unknown to me.
 
I know you didn’t want to leave.
But there was a choice the last time.
I have sat by a thousand bloody candles
And their kiss is always cold.
 
All the cards, the tea cups and scarfs.
All the stupid little tricks.
I fell for them knowing I couldn’t fall.
I just wanted to get back; back to you.
 
I hate that I was a child.
What did I lose?
I wish I never had it to lose.
But then what would I know?
You can’t even hear me.