Please, don’t.

How do you tell someone, that you want to fight but you’ve lost your will. How do you tell someone, who you know can’t help, that you need help more than ever. 

Because at this point I’m walking the tight rope, and I’m fighting to make it to the other side, I promise. 

I promise.

Please don’t encourage me, or tell me how to better fix my stance. Don’t try and help me keep my balance, or pray for me. Don’t distract me. Because although you all mean the best, you could never understand me. So everything you say, meaning to be helpful, comes out backwards. 

I know I almost slipped off the rope earlier, but you saw, I hung from the rope by my hands with and iron grip. Don’t be upset because it took me a year to swing my self back up, I’m trying. Don’t be upset I was scared to stand again, I’m trying. Please, don’t be upset that I don’t know how to take my first step. I thought I prepared, and I was ready, okay. But, are we ever really? 

Be proud that as I held onto that rope with burning hands, I didn’t let go. Be proud that even as I begged my hands to let me fall to my death, they held strong. Be proud, for once. Don’t tell me just to make me feel better, but just genuinely be proud of me.

I’m sorry I can’t assure you I’ll make it to the other side, but take comfort in knowing I’m trying my hardest. Taking thought and turning it into action is hard, bare with me as I did all of you. 

I need to figure this one out myself, have faith in me. And I’ll see you on the other side.

-AuthorAAJ