Psycho Preacher

I went to church but the preacher was so boring.
He became upset every time he heard me snoring.
He dragged me by my hair and threw me out the door.
That was the price I had to pay when he heard me snore.
Two months ago, he became so infuriated that I was banned.
The other church members complained and he was canned.
He lost his job as the preacher and he's determined to get revenge.
He loved his job so much that losing it made him become unhinged.
He put a bomb in my car but he didn't know that I loaned my car to his wife.
When she turned the key, the car exploded and ended her life.
Now he's really mad and he'll stop at nothing until I'm killed.
I'm so scared that I wet my pants every day, that's how I feel.
I had to put bars on my windows and multiple locks on every door.
I don't dare go outside because if I do, I won't be alive anymore.
I'm so scared that I'd rather be covered with blood sucking leeches.
If your church has a similar preacher, don't fall asleep while he preaches.