Psychosis

I had my first psychotic episode
After moving out from my mother’s home
I’d lived with company all my life
Suddenly I was on my own.

A spooky thing that happened
Was that my personality seemed to expand
To fill the whole house:
My pictures on the wall,
Furniture set out as I wanted
Things set up as I desired,
My own bad habits became apparent
(coming home to find the occupant hadn’t
Done the washing up).

Five weeks of living on my own
I had a bad migraine
Lasting two days.
Since nobody was there to witness it
I am not sure quite how bad it was.
I spent the two days in bed (I think)
With a bad headache
Vomiting periodically.

Two days later I was feeling better.
It was a Sunday and I was watching a film
(It was “The Sixth Sense”).
I had watched it several times on Youtube
And had developed some sort of
Fascination with it.
Whilst watching it something seemed to “click”
Some sort of understanding of the film
That I’d never got before.

I have a little knowledge
(and "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing")
of psychology
and I know of the theory of Transactional Analysis
The "Parent" "Adult" Child" model set down by Eric Berne.

I think I felt as though the characters-
Malcolm and Cole-
Were acting out the roles set down in his theory.

I felt a bit like Einstein having to
Write down the Theory of Relativity
Before he forgot it.
I phoned my Mum in a state of great excitement
Saying “I’ve just had an epiphany!”
She realised something was wrong
And came round straightaway.

She took me to the hospital and on the way
She had to put the child locks on
As I was trying to get out, even as she was driving.
I had no control over the things I said and did.

Once at the hospital I experienced a series of delusions:

Lying in bed I thought that friends were
Coming to visit me: To welcome me to the adult world.
I got out of bed and went into the room shouting “Surprise!”
Nobody was there of course.

Next it seemed as though nurses were taking me
Around the hospital, teaching me lessons
Such as “Goodbye and thankyou go together.”
That sticks in my mind.

At one stage I thought that I could save people
around the world by telepathically transmitting
the message "Just dial 999"  "Just dial 999"
to the victims of accidents I imagined had happened.

I also remember thinking that the doctors and nurses
Were going to do something terrible
To me and that I had to convince myself
That they were in order to stop it happening.

I spent two weeks on a psychiatric ward-
The first experiencing these and other delusions
The second reconnecting with reality
And sorting out confusions.