Quicksand
So endlessly
down
into
the ground
No control
of your own senses
Thrashing out!
To find some easy release
Danger is down there!
lower
than
lowest.
Escaping is useless
so it seems!
Keep everso still,
do not move an inch.
Feel
yourself
sinking
down
even
further
Sedated of calm
Darkness creeps in.
moving
so very much closer!
Engulfing-
core feeding
foundation.
Embrace it for now,
feel slow
the submerger!
Pushing to stay,
just
a little
while longer
This aimless survival,
is only for now!
As you slowly go
much
deeper
and
further,
Saving yourself,
is now
not
an
option!
Alone and in hope,
A branch,
it
does
fall!
with coincidental need.
hold on to it now,
in earnest conviction
pull yourself out
and fall to your knees…
Gasp as the crushing subsides
as you breathe the new breath,
You're already free!!
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Comments
Thank goodness for the conclusion otherwise this horrific creation would be so dark it would scare anyone !! :)
Structure is great for this topic and it makes a metaphor for finding hope and recovery when all seems lost.
Thanks for sharing ! Warmest wishes. xOx
:)
Ahh Richard, As always I appreciate your comments, thank you so much
Lorna xx
:) xx
Take care.
Hi Lorna Love way you formatted your piece
as if falling , I think it is piece that says you may
feel your sinking lower and lower and think your stuck in a dark place
but the ending gives hope of finding a way forward
I love the comparison you made here to dark times in life
Great write well thought through
Best wishes Debs xx
Thanks debs, I enjoyed your take on my poem and happy that you enjoyed it :) It actually took me days to format it..at one point it was almost a sonnet, so thank you xx
Lorna x
What an insightful and incisive observation; though really, this poem is just line after line of insightful and incisive observations, images and ideas!!
To read it is to experience it ... and the formatting is impeccable!!
Fantastic!!!
J xxx
Thank you Jason, I'm glad you enjoyed it and the formatting, I truly appreciate you comments x
Hey L.... Such a gripping write...as a point I felt as if I was actually sinking lower while reading...The formatting made it so...It's lovely...well done
Thanks rose, much appreciated x
Hey L. CAIZLEY!!.....this is a masterfully delivered write..... the formatting adding to the overall sensation Itself..... the great choices in phrasing........."... feel slow ~the sub-merger...." (sorry about the hyphens, my computer wouldn't let me write SUBMERGER)......by the way..... that phrase is fantastic .......PINNED this for its sheer creative value......smokin' grooves girlfriend!!....... LOVE and ROCKETS!!......T xo. ?☀✴✳
Thanks Tony, I was inspired by Jacki Goebel's poem Tightrope for some of the formatting. Im very glad you liked it, much love and rockets to you too :) x
Thanks, Lorna, I feel fortunate to be a part of and inspired by many in the CosmoFunnel family!*!*! Appreciated the heads-up about Quicksand since I don't read nearly as many of the works as I would like...
Jacki
Great...
thanks Lorris xx