Reflection

The person looking back at me,
 from my mirrors brutal gaze,
      Bears no clear resemblence 
of my body or my face...
     I can't believe I look so old,
 my hairs gray, and I'm fat...
     How come he's still here I ponder;
he never signed up for that...
     I look away disgusted,
 with who I've grown to be,
     Now I have to be ashamed;
 that ugly persons' me...
   I'm sorry when he looks my way,
 that this is what he sees...
     No wonder he keeps his options open,
 in case he ever leaves...
      I couldn't even blame him,
if he was unfaithful,
     a real friend would let him go;
 expecting him to stay seems hateful...
     with a second glance,
 into my evil looking glass...
      I see the pain I have endured,
 and how life's kicked my ass
      I reflect on how hard I've fought to be
 someone that makes me proud
      I spent so much time hating myself
 I wore it like a shroud.
       With a deep inhale, and one last look,
in my mirrors direction.
 I bravely lift my head to see,
 at last my horrible reflection...
       I look into my eyes  this time
  in them I see the spark
       That inner light is beckoning
  it illuminates the dark
      Turns out Inside I am not ugly. 
there's beauty to be seen...
      Hopefully he sees past my flesh 
and loves what's in between.
Heidi Shavill
2016