Relentless Torment

Relentless torment is rotting my brain,
Relentless torment that causes me so much pain,
Relentless torment which will eventually drive me insane,
Relentless torment bares no shame.

Like an echo in a valley,
This torment repeatedly stammering the same words over and over again.
Like a small fish in a big sea,
Just trying to survive each day,
And not get eaten. 

How can i be so strong?
And yet do so much wrong? 
Perhaps I have weakened,
And now, to this pain, I am chained.

So many people come to me for advice or to seek answers,
Which I give away to them so freely. 
Yet this is not the problem, 
It is that this small gesture of kindness does not make its way back to me very easily.

I feel as if I am broken, 
And to my family and friends I have become a burden,
Getting in the way,
Not really accomplishing much, 
Still trying to cope with loved ones that have "gone away". 

I'd like to point out that this way I've become,
Is not who I am or strive to be.
I am kind, thoughtful, and empathetic to others,
And strong willed, genuine, and a fighter you see.

So what has happened to me and how come I can not seem to figure this one out?
I can usually fix myself..... Without a doubt!
But not this time around, 
Since I do not know what this ordeal is all about. 

Each day I silently cry for help, 
but no one can see it, and no one can hear me. 
I fear for the worse some days, 
For even the strongest of person loses will to survive eventually.
Only able to take so much pain and suffering upon my weary body,
I put my head in my hands and weep uncontrollably, 
Begging for God to take my tired soul from this cruel cold world.
I whisper, "I am ready.” 
So that I may suffer no more,
And be at peace finally.

                     Written by Renee Rush