Relentless Treadmill to Death

I find myself in the twilight of my life
At least close enough for a pause
I always thought On Golden Pond
Was a movie for other people.. 
That I would be forever young
Or perhaps I just never gave it a thought
I just knew that at that particular moment
I was still young enough.
We measure our time with.. well I 
will have enough time to do that
So you start this career change or
 Start going back to school
You plan a move to a new area
You do not get the AARP mail and 
all the god forsaken burial insurance brochures
I hated it when I turned fifty five.. it seemed the
only thing I was good for was advertising about
How I would save my children stress when I go
Hell they deserve the stress they are still alive
No of course I do not want to hurt my kids
I just do not like leaving them money for my 
great departure,, for the bon voyage to unseen 
and really unknown territories
I would rather have them blow my ashes over 
the park where we always pic nicked when they
were kids
Where they caught their first bass and
where I almost drowned trying to save the catch
Now those were golden days for sure
One where the wind did not whisper tick tock
and I was so happily busy I did not think of the 
relentless tread mill to death. 
That is what my husband called it 
He has since  passed away.. 
Thirty six years we were together.
It was a lifetime of big and small victories
Failures, and volatility
No real happy mediums.. just extremes
I miss those extremes far more than i 
had ever thought what a dumb ass.
I am entitled to rant and rave am I not?'
A little rage at the machine
Now the angel of death passes close
With the brushing of silent wings
Taking so many with her
It has caught my attention
and my silence.

e