Scar tissue
Scar tissue
Dark shadows fill the room
Happiness swept away in one quick gust.
You gasp for air but can’t reach the top
You stand on the edge of a never ending spiralÂ
You claim your differences but they push you into the dirt.
You try to stand but gravity has taken its toll,
You reach for help but your strength has grown weak.
Your mind has become your enemy,
Your hands follow in their footsteps .
You speak to the man in the mirror,
He tells you there is no hope.
You feel the power of your mind rot your head;
The voices began to talk back.
You spiral deeper and deeper into a never ending whole.
No ladder, no rope ,no way out
Darkness covers your mind like a blanket.
The scars begin to cut deeper,
The voices become louder.
The shadows cover your blank mind,
The shadows take your soul.
The end has begun.
Support CosmoFunnel.com
You can help support the upkeep of CosmoFunnel.com via PayPal.
Comments
Amazing sense of “self” in this poem.
I liked how you used the second person point of view in this poem.
Favorite lines:
Dark shadows fill the room
Happiness swept away in one quick gust.
You gasp for air but can’t reach the top
The only changes I would make would be in the first three to four lines. There is punctuation throughout the poem, with the exception of two lines in the front. It may read better adding the periods/commas. I put my suggestions within parenthesis.
Dark shadows fill the room (.)
Happiness swept away in one quick gust.
You gasp for air but can’t reach the top (.)
You stand on the edge of a never ending spiralÂ
Another area that I would consider revising is using the word: covers, in one area and then cover again in a few lines that followed. I would try choosing a word that means the same, yet is different in one of the sentences. To make the poem stand out more.
Darkness covers your mind like a blanket.
The scars begin to cut deeper,
The voices become louder.
The shadows cover your blank mind,
This is a powerful poem, full of emotion.
Thank you for sharing your poem.
I enjoyed reading it.
Happy Holidays from Ohio
Â