SECRETS AND LIES - WORLD CHANGES

SECRETS AND LIES

Dear Lord, my body and mind are slowly disappearing

I don’t know how to stop the spiral I'm on

Please, let my voice be heard across the oceans

So I’ll find help to fix and right all these wrongs 

God my Father, and I share a greater bond

He knows why my heart doesn’t know who to trust

All the losses, the dreams and my whole life journey

Was taken apart by others and turned into dust 

There's a pact between my God and I

He knows why I'm living and he'll know why I'll die

At times, I feel momentum building, then reality takes me down 

But, angels, I'll fight until my last breath runs out, to turn the tables around

In the silence I can hear the tick of the clock

I ask the Lord, is it ticking for my demise 

I ask my Father in Heaven, to keep me protected awhile longer

As I sort through this file, this nightmare of medical lies

You are the only one that can see me each day, Lord

You're the only voice in my heart I can hear

And I'm asking each night in my prayers, Dear Father

Help me see changes to this medical system, make the world around me care..

I have written out my last will and testament 

And I am prepared and ready for  what ever might call

Have faith that I will see an ending and changes

And finally  wipe the stench of death off my wall.... 

© Giggles the Poet

  October 15, 2015 

    7:00 p.m.

Notes; October 16, 2015

Dear angels, feeling so lost and I don't have anyone to talk to about these things but God and my paper…....I don't want to drive anyone away, or to judge me harshly, but my smile is wavering and I'm begging God for mercy......as I try and get what I can of my life in order....and I'm going nowhere..

I'm paralyzed when I go toward the door...and if I open it for a second....it's closed again...and I'm back in my sanctuary...or cage....that is yet undecided at this point....and am I keeping something in....or keeping something out!  

I am fighting against the one who just wants to lie down and sleep forever....because nobody even knows where I am….or I exist really...and I think that is a shame...

.I wish I could remember who I was so I could fill you in…..before the chemicals took over my brain....God protects my soul.....but, to feel two dimensional...due to so much....one day I pray to be free of this....but, until then, we have to do what we have to do......

One day....I hope I can tell you who I truly am.....and despite being a harsh person to take at times....that's not me.....God shows me that much....life makes people ugly...but I won't let it do that to me....there are always ways of looking at things......and healing....God willing.....

I'm getting tired of reliving the 30 year journey, as I try hard to finish my book...books.....If God did something right with me....he made me a note taker....reporter, and investigator....I advocate in my silence, and most of the time I'm smiling....until the last heart wrenching touches to my book reminded me of why I'm alive, survived and why people need to stop and think about what we're perceiving when we look at someone.....and what judgements, labels will haunt them...

RE:, medical devices, and proper human respect is due the one that stands before you with an injury, pain of any kind...that just needs a second, without labels and judgements....as I have seen in my medical file over the last 30 years.....Oh...by the way....20 years ago, I was supposed to be 63 with a low-back problem....hmmm....so I guess that makes me pretty old by now....lol   have to frame that report, written by a doctor I had never seen....in this corrupt Workers Compensation System.....injured workers have to live shame.

So the last few days that has me in a tail spin....the many realities has me in a mixture of emotions....and to say I found what I needed to find in record time...with God's help once again....because the facts are the facts.....and I will never lose them......  God knows I found my list......

I have been writing a lot…....but not talking about these feelings….and I don’t want anyone to worry, know this much truth, because it’s always been mine to battle…. I’m losing weight, because I no longer remember to eat...drink...one meal a day isnèt enough….and my reminders to remember fails...lol..

I have my cat…my Princess to remind me to drink...because she only drinks out of the tap...lol.....thank God for vitamin drinks….

My signals neurologically are crossed...zapped...and no one here is listening…my pain specialist spends who has been in my life for six years,  not taking care of me....spends all of  5 minutes with me a month…He asks me each time what I am taking... .asking me “what’s your fix”…So disrespectful…or he is either texting, or when I am talking, interrupts me to talk about another patient.....

And he gives me my morphine patches/pain pills, saying he doesn’t want to deal with anything else, threatening to cut off my morphine….saying the “workers compensation and the government are questioning why he’s prescribing so much Fentanyl…He’s already cut me back…and has no idea the level of pain I have the depression is back...as I tell him when I’m in too much pain… and walks out the door, even if I’m talking…. 

He is putting many on this…that is why the warnings…and he is also opening up his own clinic for patients he needs to take off now and put them on Methadol….making more money, creating more madness… creating junkies and raising his own price tag and I have to suffer this abuse monthly…..I am worried about down the road....My God, what do I have to look forward too.....

He’s a pain specialist?  Hmmmm….the doctor’s on my 30 year list will have some answering to do one day…..and God have mercy on their souls…...that men of medicine can harm human beings, ignoring them  without thought of consequence…. I’m still fighting to prove I’m injured after thirty years…..when does the madness end……are their egos so big....

All I know I have a strong heart that keeps me going and as long as I’m breathing….I’ve gotten this far….

Nobody will see this case for what it is….see where I need help….even when I show them proof…to explain my situation…..and misdiagnosis….their eyes go blank….lol  duh….you’re a doctor for what reason…  Why is the Hippocratic oath in place..

My family doctor won’t back me up, hates Workers Comp….nobody wants to deal with them….Nobody wants me to mention being electrocuted by a faulty medical device and as they shy away from such language…but, yet she wants me to go to rehab……do I have some choice in living, being heard by a human being of medicine….hmmmm what do I say, I got buzzed off a spinal column stimulator…..hmmmm…  I could think of many more ways of getting buzzed…..

I feel like I’m living in some movie Ground hog day….seeing what could be a repeat of the past….and I’m being damaged….they close their files and minds….on such a convoluted mess….

Dare I say give me patience dear God, but I’m thinking its time to write my…Last Will and Testament….I know I can stand the fight that may be ahead again as I look for someone competent….but, can this body….  God decides for me……

Dear Lord, maybe one day I'll be rich enough to buy my own medical team to put me back together again....lol but, when nothing is being done.....

My poem…Medical Madness is all over the place since yesterday…double time….I won’t be quiet with what I see… while I wait to die….I have quiet long enough…I have been tweeting the world....Tony Robbins, Oprah, D.Phil., Injured Workers Groups, Workers Compensation Advocacy Groups….Advocacy groups for the injured, Human Rights, the Mayor, Labor Minister, Toronto Sun, just to name a few....because what I'm seeing....needs to have a face lift....and this system WSIB workers compensation needs to be taken out.....

If I can't protect myself...I can protect tomorrow's angels.....and let them take charge be brave and stand your ground to get respect, and proper medical help and coverage.....not poverty and deaths.....

Say I’ve finally gone mad……  :p

Hey….it seems that my life is an open book with the bastards that wrote such misleading information in my files….which caused such hardships….this was not my road…..being born into destruction….then being put in more destruction….two strikes and they are out….

I’ve had to learn a lot about myself that I don’t ignore….and despite it all…I’m

God’s child…

Canada isn’t all that......We are prized for helping other people from other countries…and I’m proud to say we can…..but, then then the government forgets their countrymen also need help and it shouldn’t come from other countries….

Just another fun day in paradise....thanks for listening angels....lets keep this to ourselves....lol :)  God is here now...and I feel him more than ever these last few years...he has always been with me and my poems, notes show that ...so I have one tough cookie in my corner...keeping me alive with the hope that one day, that door will stay open a little longer...and my brain won't be forgetting anything....and I'm back!....or born which ever comes first....I like the second.... :)    Cause, being back...means your still there...here......hmmm.....not my choice.... 

A momentary loss of spirit :)

Love and hugs Angels....Giggles getting back to work....  :) :) :) 

PROTECTING GOD'S ANGELS....WHILE I'M HERE ON EARTH