Smoke

Before I tasted you I never understood why people craved such a detrimental presence in their life. Before I felt you pressed against my lips I never understood how something so harmful could taste so good. The day you entered my life I knew I wouldn't be able to let you go. I was an addict and you were my beautiful addiction. I knew you were dangerous, I knew the effects you'd have on my body and mind but the feeling of you pressed against my lips made everything I knew to be true seem like nothing more than letters floating around in my head with no meaning or purpose. Your warning label may not of been printed out on a box but it was clear by the constant "why do you do this to yourself" remarks that fell out of everyone's mouth, I never knew how to respond other than a faint "I don't know." I told myself I was going to leave you in my past over and over, each time disappointing myself in a new, more pathetic way than the last. Although you broke me down from the inside out every day I depended on you. I knew I could come home to you each and every night. You began to consume my life, always on my mind, and able to pull me away from whatever I may be doing with just the snap of your fingers. I began to question my worth and why I had put your needs over my goals for so long. The day I stopped looking back, the day I swore I was done, the day I learned to put myself first, that was the day I found my freedom.  

a.k