“smoke blown out: I’LL BE AN UNPLEASANT FUCK WHEN I’M OLDER”

As per usual, closing time at the bar and I'm there, still
waggling, cussing, making a scene about why the fuck they close when the sun rises
quitters…, why quit when you're already so far?... but I digress

the owner of the bar, an old funny, cunty man asks me why I won't go home to my wife or dog or rats before he walks up to me, grabs me by my shoulder and says
you know I love you man, you remind me of my kid
of course, you know how that ended
and I'd hate seeing you end up the same way by the same cause
loneliness has a comforting warmth
a different warmth than the warmth love gives you
it’s like a fire
a cold fire, but a fire nonetheless
it's time for change, he says
don't you want that?

I feel the shower water running down my face
thinking back about that conversation
god I'd love that
god I'd love to love