So It Goes

It doesn’t matter much if I’m in North Carolina or in California, it doesn’t matter much if I do something or if I don’t.
I have learned to realize my fate, a madness that I’ve only recognized in troubled writers, I wonder why I got blessed with colorful words, now I only wonder if it’s a curse. I have since tried understanding myself, this has only led to a miserable reality which there is no escape from, we are all trapped in prisons with no walls, we fail to see the infinity that consumes us all.

It doesn’t matter much if I wake up with the taste of forgotten love or if I wake up to the symphony’s of meaningless sex.
I often fail to follow a feeling, instead, a feeling follows me, this constant beating drum of insanity, all is written, the all stares into my eyes then becomes the darkness which never ends, it doesn’t scare me, it holds me softly, this vicious darkness, I can’t tell if I love it, I could never decipher feelings except for once, yet, that once was but a mere anomaly, a crying soul reaching towards something beyond humanity, and you were it.

It doesn’t matter much if I drink till I can no longer stand or if I lay on my bed sober looking at the ceiling for some kind of answer.
I struggle to be sober now, something inside me struggles to accept this reality, people don’t amuse me, I hate their washed out words, I hate how insincere they can be, I hate more than I love, however, I constantly tell myself not to, am I too bitter now to see the flowers? Have I become so comfortable in my own loneliness that I can no longer be around others?
I look to Nietzsche constantly for advice, for a desolated dream, for a friend, I look to Nietzsche and he doesn’t look back, he’s too far gone, madder than mad, the man that guides me couldn’t even guide himself.
Is this my incoming fate?

The night sets in and everything follows,
so it goes.