Social Anxiety

I feel like I'm sitting in a dark pool of water;
half-dressed.
Fragments of my mind swirling around me.
In reach, but too slippery to hold on to.

I feel like everything I say is wrong.
Everything I do is never good enough.
Always second best with no second chances.

I feel like I keep looking backwards
instead of moving forward,
and soon I'll drown in that messy pool.

I feel like I've lived a thousand years worth of awful days;
I've learned and lost so much.
But still I don't know how to be with others.

I feel like all of it was for nothing -
I'm still not strong enough to swim to safety.
But I said goodbye a long time ago.