Sorry, I’m Not Sorry

You held me in your arms, rocking me in your sorrow. You nurtured me with your pain, You took every chance you could to push me away.

Until the day I gained the courage, you continued to do more damage. I was far from a man, but I still ran far far away.

You had no purpose with me not present, you hunted me down and held me captive. Being underage, I had no choice, you enjoyed the police telling me” I had no other option.”

Well I did my research and I hired an attorney. Through the court, at age 17, I proved to be worthy of my independence. The judge granted me my emancipation and you couldn’t believe it!

I saw the look on your disgusted face, a sight providing me enjoyment. Like a suspect finally being caught, you finally lost your victim!

Over the years, I have tried providing you with forgiveness. You always find a way, to try and replace my happiness with your relentless pain.

It always starts the same way and it always ends the same way. To you this might be normal, but to me it’s an unnecessary trade.

I pray that you will grow up, but you always remain the same. I feel sorry for you now, but to you it’s all a game. 

The further away I get from you, the closer I feel to being successful. The longer we are apart, the less tears I shed hoping you’ll change! 

You’re a variable that I cannot solve, you’re a variable that always subtracts or divides, you’re a variable that never changes with time!

Those who refuse to grow, mentally, physically, socially and emotionally, need not a place near my family or I.

We are creating new patterns, within our life. Don’t take this personal as I have come to accept the past and my childhood.

You can tell yourself, in the back of your mind you did your best, but the reality is we both know that is just another lie. 

You were just as much a victim to your past as I was but I refuse to sympathize to much, as I never once resembled you as a parent to my son! 

If you keep playing the victim, you will always remain one. Today may just be the loss of your son and grandson but what will tomorrow bring?