Sound of running water prompts urge to urinate

Invariably analogous setting
kickstarts schlemiel to agitate
excretory mechanism linkedin,
viz body electric doth actuate
merely upon turning faucet triggers
unstoppable onset to micturate

drinking coffee or caffeinated tea
also functions as diuretic
mimics similar rush'n spate
oh boy... if I hesitate
to whip out trouser snake late...
he himself will humiliate

courtesy warm liquid will trickle
soiling pea green pants
legs knotted together damns fate
against pistol - unleash
expletives post maturely ejaculate
rank odor will permeate

redeeming salvation drek
written by this primate,
which rather lame poem may titillate,
though juvenile words
when thee evaluate
be mindful, cuz no control exists,

hence humorously accentuate
to tap kidney, draining
the lizard, empty bladder all equate
essentially to see man about a horse
private tête-à-tête,
thus no choice exists to alleviate

non voluntary impulse,
no rhyme nor reason unbeknownst to me
why tinkling sound beckons ureic freight
urgent whistle stop won't depreciate
emergency crisis compounded
with sudden necessity to defecate

courtesy lathered soap
or shaving cream, I fulminate
teary eyed burning man sensation
tripping feet blindly groping
oh $*!† toilet seat down - cant wait
scramble in vain against impending date,

when disaster strikes
flash flood warning issued,
hence I cannot narrate
anymore hanging unto bough
risking life and limb
half a$$ poem I did create.