The Barrel

It's nothing to me 
Not to mean that much
to you
to me
to them
again
so I told myself
what's the point at all
you're just staring at the walls
life is moving fast
I am standing still
expecting you to care
so selfish
I am
to do this

It's OK
It'll always be OK 
you said so

A person I never was
just imagined in your head
welcome to our reality
it's all just plain insanity

the bullet's always there
empty chamber with a stare
taunting me
to forget why you won't
taste the barrel on your lips
so cold and so crisp
how would you know
you never asked me
but I hid it so well
you could never tell
the taste stained my tongue
day after day after day

If only someone could see me 
hear me
from outside my window
at my all time low
shining my darkest glow
blackness
all around me 
a cloud
hovering
enveloping
convinving
taking
me
if only I could figure out
find a reason to 
pull the barrel from my mouth
how
If only I cared
now
If only I could 
somehow
If only it wasn't loaded

but it was