The Big D!!
Darkness falling around me
I try to be happy
But I keep going deeper in
Try to live like nothings happening
People whisper and talk
Talk like I can't hear them
I know i should go for a walk
I can't get motivation toĀ
I just wanna lay in bed all day
And I don't wanna feel like a pile of shit
Even though I act like its ok
Even if I wanted to say, I can't
This darkness holds me in a spot
Like I've been shot
It's like I'm moving physically
But mentally I'm just stuck
Don't wanna just get up and go out
And it's not like I wanna stay homeĀ
I too enjoy to have fun
But as soon as I doĀ
My mind starts to go to the scary darkness
I'll make a excuse as why I'm leaving
All the time I can't make sense of this
Most people think its all just for show
It's like I have on the wrong pair of shoes
That I can't never take off
Most people think its all about the cutting
Or you don't wanna live anymore
The thing is I doĀ
But once this darkness is inside of you
It stays there foreverĀ
Slowly creeps up when you least want it
My darkness came to me
When I was only fourteen
Yeah I know what your thinking
Isn't that to young to beĀ
But you don't know the things I went through
I try my best not to let it get to me
I wanna be free
Free to go out and no strings attached
To throw away these black shoes
But I've learn that it'll will always beĀ
Yes I do fear it'll take my life
But not in the way you think
It'll be people not wanting to be near
Then it'll be only me left
Wondering what I did wrong
And asking myself how
How can I control something
Something thats apart of who I amĀ
Is the darkness a sin
That's named anxiety and depression
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Comments
Thanks!! I've tried to going to therapy but all they do is put me on meds that either make me have bad mood swings or I don't wanna eat!! Half the time I don't even wanna get up to go to work but I know I have too!! With all the insurance changes here in the US it's hard to get into places that take a certain type of insurance!! So I try my best to kind cope with it til I can find something or someone to help. Thanks I always thing of depression like either you got handed the wrong cards or a park of shoes that got glues to you that you can't never take off.
Thanks!! I'll look into it and see what I can find and read up on it!! Thanks for helping. Yeah I didn't understand them either, and one day I just took myself off my meds cause it seems to be doing more harm then good and I told my therapist that and he was like why and I told him and I never went back!! Everyone's in titled to their opinion and some people's are not good but like yours it is helpful and thoughtful and I appreciate that!! ?
Meds take way too long for anyone to want to keep trying them. I have been there so many times it is excruciatingly hard. I muddled through what seems like every medicine there is before finding a combo I could "manage" with. I am a self injury addict as well and have a poem somewhere about it on here.
meds don't fix the problem they just cover it up like a bandaid. Therapy can help and acupuncture believe it or not helps with the physical pain and anxiety depression can cause. I am always happy to talk if you need an ear. Been in recovery for years and relapsed for years. It is easier to write and listen to music than to face the world most days. 14 isn't young either. I started at age 5 after a family suicide. Long road almost 30yrs later