The "Crazy" Desease

People talk about people with what I have.

Call them crazy, talk about voices in their head.

Which for some I suppose is true.

In my case, its more complex instead.

Do you wanna know what its like. Having he crazy disease?

instead of making fun of me... listen to my story please.

Night terrors.

imagine dreaming about a knife slitting down your back ever so sharply. You feel the pain.

You feel it rip open it gush.

And you waking up screaming

imagine watching everyone you love die.

Being trapped inside another universe and you can’t wake up.

Your drowning inside your own mind.

Imagine losing the grasp of society.

Having panic attacks.

The paranoia the ache.

Everyones looking at you even when they really arent.

Would they still love me if they knew I was a schizo?

Those habbits as a child. Being scared to sleep.

Imagine if it didnt go away.

Imagine spending everyday saying “im not crazy im just sick!”

But sick with what? A disease that can’t be tamed. Only trained to fake being obedient by the magic of medication?

I dont feel normal.

This doesnt feel right.

Your friends ask you what would happen if you dont take that pill.

When the honest answer is you have no real idea.

Something might change or it might not.

Its an honest mystery.

Do you know what it feels like to be forced to ingest a piece of plastic filled with magic powder because everyones afraid you will kill yourself if you dont?

Years and years of shitty self diagnoses.

finally you become okay. with proper medication and therapy.

But you will always be the girl with the crazy disease