The Devil's Doll

~The Devilโs Doll~
~~~~~~~โ ~~~~~~~
We think we know where all souls goโ
to Heaven high, or Hell belowโ
lost loved ones, off to Edenโs shore,
or demons, whoโd like nothing more
ย
to rip and rend flesh from our bones;
to make us scream, to mock our moans
of anguish, pain, the drain of lifeโ
away from God, in pain, so rife,
ย
black blood boils beneath pale skin;
we know we canโt go home again
to be with friends or family,
forever, in eternity.
ย
I knew one boy who, rather young,
thought parents' rules were drab and dumb.
He never listened to a word,
and all the good advice heโd heard
ย
fell by the waysideโlost, ignored.
A restless lad, so very bored
with life, his schoolโhis pets, his friends
โฆbut here is where his story ends.
ย
As disrespectful as he was,
his family loved him still, because,
he was their son, their boy, their all;
he had their backs against the wall.
ย
One moonlit night, I stayed with him,
I heard a groaning from within
the bedroom where we always slept.
In moonbeamโs glow, I slowly crept
ย
oโer to the spot those horrid sounds
were coming from, and what I found,
sent shivers up and down my spine!
My heartbeat thumpedโI heard a whine.
ย
For there, upon the wooden floor,
sat something now not there before.
To my stark horror, shocked surprise,
a doll stared back with my friendโs eyes.
ย
There is a lesson to be learned,
when wise advice is shunned or spurned,
should Satan come to maim and maul;
you too become the Devilโs Doll.
~~~~~~~โ ~~~~~~~
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Comments
very dark, well put together.
a gripping read.
Thanks for the R & R, HP.
~Dean
Dean another creepy dark write. love it. it is a pleasure to read your crafty inks
Thank you very much for reading, Lisa.
Take care...
~Dean
This is a well formatted poem. Phyrexian Unlife as well is good in the modern format of the card game Magic: The Gathering, especially considering ad nauseum is one of my favorite decks right now (Phyrexian Unlife is the name of a card in this game and it's also the picture you used for this poem).
Yes, the illustration is by Jason Chan, Devan.
I appreciate your R & R.
Take care,
~Dean
Great write and a pleasure to read.
Thanks so much for reading, Leah. I deeply appreciate your feedback.
Warmest wishes!
~Deanย :}
This is absolutely chilling. ย I see you're a very polished poet. ย I'll try to comment in the same manner that you provide while recognizing you've got a great deal more experience and that my opinion, is just that.
"Black blood boils beneath pale skin" was the most powerful line for me. ย This crosses beyond barriers of speech and paint a picture that evokes the intended emotion, while also having sub textual meaning for the reader to interpret according to their own understandings whim.
The only critique I could come up with is in "my heartbeat ceased, as did all time" I felt the flow fumbled slightly on the word "all" and would possibly have chosen simply "as did time".
Was the intent to imply in a very subtle way exactly what "sin" the friend committed which led to his demise?
Thank you not just for reading, WormTendon, but for pointing out what you liked and didn't like as well. That is exactly the sort of input and feedback I need to improve.
I will look into that line to see if I can improve upon it in some way.
As for your query, think of "Little Orphant Annie" by James Whitcomb Riley, (1849 - 1916) concerning the message my own poem is attempting to convey.
"Anโ the Gobble-unsโll git you if ya' Donโt Watch Out!"
If you're unfamiliar with the poem, cut and paste the link provided below in your search engine's browser to hear it.
Thanks so much again!
~Dean
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z03zt9lriR0