The heavy mask

Very recently, I went through the worst time
mentally
I very nearly didn't make it
It was only my son, that stopped me
From going through
The thought of someone explaining to him
His dad was gone
People often say that if you commit suicide
You are selfish
Because of who you leave behind
But what they don't understand is that the suicidal
Think about that
Every second of every day
Day after day
And they convince themselves
That their loved ones
Will be better off without them
You think this every second
Of every day
It's a heavy burden
So you become adept
At faking social situations
If someone asks how you are doing, you say ok
Then change the subject
Ask them a question
You wear a mask
All the time
Not some of the time
And that mask is heavy
And in the end
It's what sinks you 
You can't sleep
You can't eat
You tick off the days, thinking tomorrow
Will probably be the day
And that is an exhausting way to exist
That mask weighs heavy
When you convince yourself
Everyone is better off without you
And you hate yourself enough
The only thing that stops you is fear
Fear is life
Hang on to that .
If you read this far, and you empathise
Keep going my friends
You matter .