The Neighborhood rap

I never saw his face-
I only saw the rest.
But I knew it was him
by the bear claw tat on his chest.
I thought I'd get choked up,
thought I'd soon be broke up-
seeing him gettin another wet-
but instead, I must confess-
It got me hot
got me breaking out in sweats
tackling my morals
trampling my values
enough to be beyond scared
Damn,
I hate myself
for wanting to be there
with one hand on my waist
and his other in my hair
his lips were on his nape
ripped clothes
from a cheap hoe
flying thru the air
hot damn-
fantasy divides us
imagine my reflection in his iris
thinking of reaching
and heavy breathing
and heaving between kings in a threesy-teething and seething
get the meaning?
fingertips slide 
in between thighs
tingles down spine
not on mine
but goosebumps in my eyeline
corrupting my lifeline
beating faster in time
slow myself
try to recline
heroine
to where he's been
still feel my hands on him
as his hands are on him
and my eyes are on them
a deafening hum
from my red hot ears
a warm storm brews
from my chest 
to my shoes
then a hurricane
destructive winds
and heavy rains
shook foundation
heavy elation
infatuation
then ejaculation
sex-
cold and clinical
back to being cynical
the calm after the storm
is the moment of clarity after a big cum
watching them convulse
I fell almost repulsed
that I just indulged
to a piece of dick
I fucked with
and loved with 
and touched with
touch and rub
some other bitch.
but it did turn me on
in the way I wanted
Should I let him know
what I know
Or hold it all in?
Either way,
I never saw his face
So I can tell myself
Maybe it wasn't him.
But then again,
where else has he been?
how many assholes
have you been thru?
how many assholes
fell for that bear claw tattoo
I put myself down
though I chose to go down
I chose, I'm grown
I didn't have to get blown-
If only I would've known
but your cigarettes
got me high
and your sex
felt so right
I was tight
and so you kept me in your life-
took me in like a pill
though I meant nothing to you
just another hole
for you to fill
I made you laugh when we were dressed
and nut when we wasn't-
not like I'm obsessed
never wanted no husband
but I'm a sinner, too
the things we would do
for love and
the things we would do for lust can't
blend 
so don't pretend that we can
or ever could
without being misunderstood
I'd have left if I could-
but now I know I should-
there goes the neighborhood.