The One You Love

I’m joyful but my heart is throbbing
Knowing your precious heart and soul will never be mine.
As I stand on the outside watching
As misery eats my insides like a wine and dine.

My conscience is saying your existence I must forget.
But your heart feels so close, but is it real?
Because I’ll forever be second and I feel ill soon regret.
From devastation so I must dispose of how I feel.

But when everything is good the feeling is remarkable.
Maybe I’m just being selfish and inconsiderate.
As my patience quickly dissolve into the air in particles.
A continuous life between us I can’t seem to picture it.

So I’m not forcing you to leave.
But nor and I’m grasping on for you to stay
Because honestly around you I can no longer breathe
So it’s kind of best if you stay away

I feel betrayed constantly.
But it’s only my fault I feel that way.
Expectations, don’t have them because it’s yourself you’re punishing.
When the imperfect person created will only leave you astray.

I understand I love you but I need to keep my hopes down.
It’s the easy healthy way out, cowardice but I’m not ashamed.
Of my decisions that is, whoever said mistakes weren’t made by men who wear crowns?
For protecting the strength that I also share I mustn’t be ashamed.

To my soul you are the fruitfulness.
But I’m not desperate to where I won’t inject artificial.
I leave that to your fruitful pests.
Constantly seeking to make it official.

But when your heart is not for barter.
And even the greatest thieves couldn’t take it.
And the closer you get it ricochets farther.
Is it really worth all the aching?

To be continued...........