The Rot And The Ruin

I have afflicted and will continue to fall
And in my rage, my sins are justified
But the sentiment never lasts too long
As regret is ensued by my repulsion
The aversion for self that so often equates
To what I feel for this malignant world
The chaotic warfare I can't escape
This melancholic temperament in my blood

Sink into the inferno of my despair
And see if you're still equipped to stand
To carry the trammels in which I bear
Then tell me what it takes to be a man
So before you condemn me
Feel my pain, as you step into my soul
To witness the one who longed for life
Only to be left out in the cold

You could be my beloved
Or you could be my fondest friend
But we'll both be disappointed
If you stay until the end
So never look me in the eye
And never walk my way
Just to be what I despise
When affection turns to hollow pain

I will cut this existential breath
To spare myself the conversation
For every inimical word expressed
Has left me empty and forsaken
So sever these hands of time
And free the rosebud strangulation
As I sonorously scream into the void
Where ascetic thorns
Meet the beastly horns of nature

Like a child, angry with his father
I shatter the cross below my knee
As I spit upon your precious altar
For this betrayal of barren dreams
And in your hallowed name I spew
The most loathsome, vulgar hatred
But it's how I pray and plead to you
Vulnerable and naked
Unafraid but never free

My hunger turns into destruction
As the saboteur shadows these bloodshot eyes
Nothing will change, so I stay reluctant
And crawl deeper within my shell to die
Unto the throes of hell I go
With no sinner on my side
Descending through the rot and the ruin
This soul to bear, no longer mine