Fatal Hope

This could never be
for its never been real,
it seems that I’ve made up
some fantasy
and can’t help but
mistake it for reality,
all because I can’t let go.
I can’t let go of this hope
that I’ve been holding on to
for far too long,
and you are it’s very Embodiment.
The very physical form of a dream 
that I've forever used as my own motivation.
And to give up on something that you've believed in
for so long, 
that you can't remember a point in time where you didn't 
use it as your very own focal point,
is almost completely impossible to do.
For it's been engraved into your mind,
like the ink in your skin,
it's almost as if it's become a natural instinct,
to use that hope to block out everything negative.
To use that hope to push yourself forward. 
But it's all just an illusion that I know I need to destroy
to allow my own accuracy 
to become its replacement.
This very hope that I've held on to for so long, 
it's the reason I can no longer see my own pulsating life force. 
Blinding me from my own self.
My heart and mind currently in conflict,
I don't know how to bring them back together.
This hope, and my own desire for indulgence in the way I attach meaning to the world,
the same way I've attached to this fatal dream,
right now it's the only thing that allows me to see
these frictionless movements in the invisible field of our lives, 
but it's also the cause of an arising frustration
that I could never wish to carry.
I just don't know how to let go.