Time Stood Still

The events that unfolded that horrible day,

Changed so many lives in so many ways,

I was feeling uneasy and soon I would know why,

Before the phone rang, I had already started to cry,

With the phone to my ear, the shock  in his voice poured through,

In an instant I crumbled, for there was nothing I could do,

I fell to my knees, my heart hit the floor,

He didn't even sound like my boy anymore,

He tried to keep me calm said, "mom stop crying I'm okay"

Little did I know what we were in for that day,

How the hell could I help him, when I was so far,

I asked is Gage okay, he replied they are trying to get him out of the car,

So I assumed he was okay, but little did I know,

Kyler phrased it just like that, to keep me calm as I go,

I am finally getting closer, and my phone rings again,

Now I know hes at the hospital, but where is his friend,

When I asked how is Gage, I never knew what went wrong,

His response so full of sorrow "mom he is gone"

In shock and disbelief I started to beg and plead,

But how quickly I realized, this was something he didnt need,

So I pulled myself together, told him we are almost there,

And when I walked through the doors, I was filled with despair,

I ran down the ward, it felt like I had hit a wall,

As I approached the nurses station the look on her face said it all,

She handed me pamphlets on coping with loss and grief,

I just kept staring at her,  in utter disbelief,

"Your son is okay," she said, "but stoic and will not say a word"

I saw her lips moving, but her voice was never heard,

For when I looked through the doors, into the emergency room,

There was my boy, lost and alone, with a look of pure doom,

He was just sitting there in his hospital gown, looking straight ahead,

No emotion until our eyes met, I heard his voice, "Mom, Gage is dead"

He broke into a million pieces, right before my eyes,

He was shaking and sobbing, the room filled with his cries,

As I walked through the sliding doors,
my body felt frozen time,

They couldn't walk out with their son, but here I was with mine,

I knew how they would hurt and the pain that they would feel,

I prayed it was a nightmare, that none of it was real,

But it is real and  it hurts every single day,

I can't tell you how many times, I've asked why he couldnt stay,

But I never get an answer, I guess we will never know,

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would've never let them go,

For in my heart I knew that something was very wrong,

I never listened to my inner voice and now Gage is gone,

Many times throughout the day I'm haunted by a certain vision,

I will live the rest of my life, wishing I had made a different decision.

          Michelle Schwartz