Times are a'changing!

It’s hard to tell a stranger quite how pissed off I can feel,

to always be the ‘fall guy’ every time.

No matter how I act, or say, or do, it’s never right,

my sense of who I am  and how I’m seen,just never rhymes.

Inside my head I’m gentle, thoughtful, loving, even kind

Do anything for anyone, and never ,ever mind.

Take insults with a smile and hold my tongue all of the while,

but no one gives an inch  oh no they always take a mile!

I bite my lip when someone tells me that I’ve put on weight,

and smile the joker smile  that hides the tears…

I’m nonchalant when telling them how many cakes I ate,

 say nothing of the diets failed over oh so many years.

I never snap, I bite my lip and let the cruel words wash

right over me in seas of foaming bile,

My ego smashed, my heart in shreds, and yet I carry on

and fix about my face my stupid smile.

I’m looking in a mirror now and don’t like what I see

this grinning,parody of life- I recognise as me...

All sweetness, sugar coated, wouldn’t ever hurt a fly

about to change and rearrange the order all will die.

The school friend who would bully me and know I would not tell,

she will be the first to go-to be despatched to hell.

The teenage  pal who tagged along ‘cause I made her feel good,

who stole my friends and did it all ’ just because she could’.

Well she’s the next to go and what a pleasure it will be

to bring her down a peg or two and give her misery.

And then that colleague that would spread bad rumours about me,

and when a work trip was arranged  she’d make sure  that I’d see

that everyone was going to go, but  I was not a part…

Oh yes I will have fun with her

Just ripping out her heart……

And what about the boyfriends who cheated and who lied?

Who used me and abused me and then threw me to one side.

I’ll search them out and slowly- but with such delicious  joy,

will take each one of them apart -just like a broken toy.

And what about the goodly ladies of the  local church?

Each one of them  so holy and  sincere….

Yet laughed at me and told the world that I sang out of tune... 

It’s their turn now to sing with raptured fear!

Yes I WILL change I tell myself, no longer be that mouse,

who hides in deep dark corners filled with fear,

I will become -I know I will, the mistress of my house,

As Dante said ‘abandon hope -all ye who enter here’!