Trapper

I slipped,
too hard,
after too long,
the pain still pounds through my mind,
like my head has been slammed,
again and again,
with the weight of a thousand rocks,
pounding down,
and slamming in on me,
I thought I was surviving,
moving on,
but one little push and I fall,
right back down that hole,
no escape,
right back where I started,
curled around myself,
in the darkness,
of the bottom,
of this jagged pit.
I stare up at the threat,
of every memory,
every thought,
threatening out of the walls,
of my own made pit of despair,
a memory to cut me,
a thought to devour me,
a pain,
for every moment,
now every move to try and escape,
sends pulses of pain,
through body and mind,
every corner and edge catches me,
slicing me,
deeper and deeper,
as I bleed from the inside,
I smile to the world,
every moment darkness closes in further on the outside me,
but I still smile,
to the world,
I can not be anything more than this smile.
I watch as the world shuns me,
pushing me further and further down,
I accept the knife now,
a slice here and there,
to pull me,
back up a little,
to push me even further,
a rise,
before my fall,
that brings hope,
but with that hope is foolishness,
pain,
and more receding into myself,
I still smile to the world,
I cannot escape the lie,
I have become.