Twisted Depression

My mind and my body are constantly fighting;
My mind and my body are always twisting
and they really are, always in distress,
I am surviving depression, but barely, I'll confess
My bedroom is destroyed, like a tornado kind of mess
Some days I feel like I'm a million dollars;
Like I'm totally okay and thriving;
But that's just what depression does to someone;
It works like a mystery, one that never seems able to be solved;
Then there are days where I completely fail, all of life's tests,
My mind and my body are being sewn together;
While everything around me is falling apart, and dividing
Depression is a joke that I wish I never had to hear, see, or deal with
Just to be clear, I mean a joke as in this shits for the birds
By all means, depression is far from funny
I cope differently, I have many flawed coping mechanisms
And that's just the beginning of my story, honey
But since I'm talking about a topic;
That I know other people have too
I'm just shedding a little light on what I truly go through
There are days where I just want to sleep;
And I can't even do that properly
This is depression at its finest; 
It's really confusing and most times obliterating
So let's just be completely honest;
Here; It's been months since I've taken a full blown shower
I clean up daily, but that's not very lady like, and not very modest;
I just wish I could get my mind and my body to finally untwist
Because mentally I know what I have to do;
But physically, it's too exhausting, and more so, too draining, 
Physically, I decline, becoming a scared child again;
I know, it sounds so dramatic, and so obnoxious, but it's true
I become the biggest coward, 
That's why I'm sharing this poem with all of you
Depression is a silent killer for these exact reasons
Sometimes, it gets worse as the weather changes;
Blossoming through the different seasons;
I wish I could get rid of this horrible mental lockdown
Because it physically becomes too much some days;
To keep trying to fix my crown, I know deep down;
I'm as worthy as a Queen; 
But it's my mind and my body that keeps fighting in between
Some days I can be nice, and other days, just plain out.. mean
I know it wouldn't solve anything;
But I honestly wish I could go somewhere, and just scream
But knowing my luck, I'd get caught;
And make it to social media as a "crazy girl" meme
I'm not sure how it affects anyone else;
But this is how depression, unfortunately, affects me
I get stronger every day, and I know eventually;
I'll make it back to the top of my game
I just have to tell myself, I am more than my depression;
I am more than my twisted mind and my lazy body;
Whether depression affects everyone differently;
Or, if, in fact, it affects some people the same;
Depression is a silent killer, for these reasons and believe me, much more
It's just something we truly don't always have control over;
And that's something we shouldn't have to feel ashamed;
About, is a working mind, yet a dysfunctional brain;
And a body that others see as nothing but lazy, but little do they know;
This body has masked, survived, and gone through a lot of pain
That's unfortunately, the real problem;
Because that's where it all comes from;
Is self pity, and self destruction, caused by sometimes;
Other people's heartless actions, words, and shame.

Stephanie A. Davis(Ludwig)
04/13/2025