Exposure

Hello & Thank you! 

I had to take a brief pause while reading your poem. I’ve never been to a rape support group before; however, I have tried to write about being the victim and survivor of multiple rapes in my 47 years of life. The first time while I was just 9 years old, the last occurred in the year 2000, when a group of strange men, allowed me into their homes where I thought they were just “being nice” I never knew what their intentions were.

I have some memory loss and repressed memories from being assaulted on numerous occasions. I live with Post Traumatic Shock Syndrome, I see being assaulted once a day or more in my mind, the images appear like a broken reel of film, I imagine myself, screaming NO, this is not what I wanted. How can you hurt a woman who was already in so much pain?

In nightmares -- they return to try taking what is left of my spirit. The anxiety strikes, I feel trapped. I’m still afraid and I’m forty seven. I don’t go out at night unless it’s in my back yard. Men still scare me, if they have a rough tone to their voice. What they took from me was my voice, my freewill to say no. 

When you are young, your parents talk about not talking to strangers, I’ll never understand why a man would want to harm a small child, or a woman who was handicap. I hope you don’t mind me sharing my personal experience. I’m trying to write a fiction novel about a woman who had been assaulted by a group of strange men. The process of writing about the events, has made me feel even more vulnerable then before.

I wrote a couple of poems on Cosmofunnel, you may want to read. The first is, Lost Spirit, the second is Predatory animals. I’ll post the link here. I read a number of survival stories at Cosmofunnel, then suddenly I found my voice again.

Thanks for sharing your story of hope.

Writing about these events, however painful, may help others. Keep writing. Never stay in the past, the past is something you have survived. And, although it’s “over” the pain and the distrust are what we are unfortuely left with. It never seems to go far.

LOST SPIRIT (RATED MATURE) Rape & The Date Rape Drug
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/predatory-animals-177389

PREDATORY ANIMALS (About Child Abduction & Rape)
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/predatory-animals-177389
 

I have some additional links, other survivor stories here at, Cosmofunnel. 

After I read the following stories, I became strong enough to share my own story. 
Hope you get a chance to read the stories below. They are hard to read, but necessary. 
They all survived and their voices were held -- high above the tallest of sycamore trees
and beyond the vast seas and mountain ridges. We're survivors. Together -- to 
tell the story so that in the future, there are less victims. 

Predator by, Jennifer
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/predator-177304

Trauma by, Moon
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/trauma-177405

Get Out Alive by, 
author Derani Moore
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/get-out-alive-177390

Light through your eyes
Depression, rape.
author AmberH117
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/light-through-your-eyes-177759

Broken
AmberH117
Rape depression abuse
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/broken-177770

Primitive Fear
Escaping Abuse
author Derani Moore
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/primitive-fear-177771