Poem -

Waxing Hysterical

Don't try this at home...

Waxing Hysterical

Nothing on the telly, finished my last book
I was bored and looking round for things to do
Then I spied the waxing kit, I’d bought the week before
my bikini line was more than overdue

I headed for the bathroom with the cold strips in the pack
The instructions, very clear, I must confess
Just rub the strips together in your hands until they’re warm
Peel apart, apply to area and press

Well I soon got bored with rubbing, so I got the dryer out
Within seconds the cold strips began to melt
I applied one to my leg, held the skin around it tight
Pulled it back and then observed the hairy pelt

OK it hurt a bit, but I was spurred by my success
So decided to head north and do the rest
Dropped my panties to the floor, put one leg up on the seat
And applied the hot wax strip with much more zest

Oh my god these strips are longer, than bikini lines require
This one went past my butt cheek to my back
I held my breath and pulled it, nearly blinded by the pain
but left half a strip embedded in the crack

I look to see my trophy but there’s nothing there to see
Now the wax covers my fanny and my butt
I then decide to stand up, while I’m thinking what to do
Big mistake, I’ve gone and sealed my backside shut

In panic I then run a bath as hot as I can bear
And hope that my ordeal is over soon
The heat does almost nothing to remove the gooey mess
and my backside now resembles a baboon

It is then I see the lotion that removes the excess wax
It stings like hell, but I don’t care, I’ll soon be free
I’m exhausted, I’m still hairy, my backside is cherry red
but at least I have avoided A & E

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