What lies in the darkness...

Why does sad thoughts only appear at night when I am alone?
When I've had a smile all day long
The quiet, cold, darkest nights 
Is when my nightmares take flight
Hours upon hours it tortures my mind
Hours upon hours a piece of me gets left behind
So much to the point where I am not that bubbly personality anymore
Now I am just a deadly, silent, raging storm
I ignore, I evade but most importantly I try to get away
From the ones that try to reach me with love
And from the power most high above

Darkness is not for when I go to sleep
I can sleep in the day time and in the evening
but Darkness is when the deep part of my mind wants to play all of my mistakes on replay
my mind plays scenarios where I get hurt badly and some guy helps me heal
It's like I deserve this punishment 
But it isn't real
Darkness isn't my best friend
It's the cancer I can't feel
Eating away at my happiness, my sanity and my faith

I only miss you when the sun goes down.
Darkness is all around
Thoughts leaking in my dreams
Hold up... am I even asleep?
Hearing noises all around
It's like a wave
Pouring over me
Washing me till I'm clean