What's the answer

My mind needs a distraction.
Like song interaction.
To keep these ill thoughts from gaining some traction.
I feel like my life's constantly in a back spin.
Spiraling down like I'm just a has been.
I know it's not true that's just my reaction.
You won't know I'm depressed if I'm always seen laughin.
You see my struggles are real but you don't know half an.
I'm up the creek with a paddle but no raft an.
I can't take much more but I know that i have ta.
There's nothing I can do but increase the laughter
After awhile you feel like you don't really matter.
Than your eyes open to see every dream you had shatter.
And your still stuck in the same spot that you was this time last year.
And pain starts to build like a natural disaster.
Tell It's eating at you worse than the last stage of cancer
Please help me my Lord and show me the answer.