Where Did I Go

They say that great poetry doesn't have to rythme 
So I guess I hope that's true

 

I'm experiencing so much 

 

And I need to express myself 

 

And I'm so lost when there's no one there 

 

But if they were they wouldn't understand 

 

To live wth what I'm living is a nightmare 

 

So maybe I can get some relief by writing it all down

 

So yeah somehow I've been robbed stripped of my identity 

 

I don't know who i am or if this body is even mine 

 

I've been in this room for days 

 

I don't dare leave 

 

It can't be safe 

 

Paranoia tells me I'm gonna die 

 

And I'm convinced I already am

 

Cause I no longer exist 

 

All versions of me are gone

 

I'm a stranger and I don't trust whoever that is 

 

You'd say that I'm me but I swear that I'm not 

 

To live completely disassociated 

 

Damn this disorder 

 

And I feel stupid for crying 

 

Cause who's feelings are these really 

 

They're not mine 

 

How could they be 

 

With no way to identify 

 

Theres no way to connect so there's nothing to feel and so they don't belong to me 

 

And I'm no longer even human

 

And I stay away from everybody 

 

I can't even bring myself to speak 

 

What would I even say 

 

That the words coming from my mouth are just noises that I never said 

 

Cause I don't even know if they're mine to say 

 

Oh my God where did I go 

 

Please somebody come find where I went 

 

No don't actually just everyone stay away 

 

Go now just be gone

I wish I could go to 

 

Cause trust me I would 

 

I have already

 

That's an imposter living in that body 

 

Whoever he is I don't know 

 

I just stare for hours at nothing but air 

 

I can't describe what this is to any of you

 

There's no words tthat could begin to explain

 

But if there were they'd never be spoken 

 

Id just do this what I'm doing and write them down 

 

Express them through a non rhythmatic form of poetry 

 

But not to try to describe or explain in a manner so that maybe someone would understand 

 

That'spointless and impossible to do 

 

Id just write to express the feelings that I don't feel 

 

Cause they're not mine to be feeling 

 

I feel nothing 

 

Just there's something that from deep within me that's gone now 

 

And that's how I I know that I died 

 

Just this body is all that's living and that's not even mine 

 

Damn im not me 

 

I don't know who i am

 

So just please everyone just leave me alone 

 

Don't even speak to me 

 

Don't even look near my direction 

 

Just let me have what ever piece of self if there's any left that's mine 

 

Damn it can't you see 

 

I'm dead I've died what happened to me who am I 

 

To exist with no identity no sense of self just an imposter and a stranger only to me 

 

There's nothing more to say

I've expressed myself enough through poetry with no rythme

and honestly I believe it's really true that good poetry doesn't need to rythme

sometimes a poem just needs expression from ones own way of how they experience things 

 

And everyone's experiences are different 

 

Especially mine 

 

To live with disassociative disorder is something that I hope none of you will ever know 

 

It steals away your entire being 

 

To the point you don't even recognize yourself

you question if you're even real

and that's what I'm going through and I don't know if I'm really feeling the things that I feel 

 

I'm questioning what even is reality 

 

I don't even know but thank you for allowing me to express myself through non-rhythmic poetry 

 

I needed to get that out

But please now just go andf leave me alone

I just need time to be me whoever that is 

 

Damn it where did I go 

 

If you ever find me please bring me back 

 

I want to meet who I am 

 

So I'm going to go and think about what I would say to me if I ever find myself

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