where do I start

Where do I start or why I'm I still strong. Within I seem full of life. But no one suspects anything wrong with me.

But within my soul I'm dying, howling for someone to catch a glimpse that my cheerful smile and carefree laugh is not real me.

I've never fully lived life , not that I can recall.
Between the world and myself I've built up a wall.

I don't know why I'm like this, it makes no sense to me.
I actually come from a very close and loving family.

But even they have no idea of the hell I endure.
They believe the mask I wear on my face day after day.

I can't carry on like this, I can't live like a hollow body! 
I wish to feel truly love, that is my biggest pray. 

I need help, but who will help me?
Is there anyone out there who can end my suffering?
Or am I simply trapped, a prisoner of despair?

Am I really all alone? Is there no shred of light for me out there?
I'm so lost, please help me! I can't do this alone!