wishes

as i sit here and think i begin to wonder what i did to cause so much pain. to cause so many people to hate me. as i sit here and wonder about these things i think about how it used to be. i think of all my old friends all the boys and school. but then i realize whats the use in wishful thinking? its never going to change anything. never going to make amends  just by thinking. nothing is ever going to be the same. nothing is ever going to get better unless i actually fix things. then i begin to think whether or not its worth fixing. if i should actually try and fix things.i remember when everything was so easy. even a simple "hello"  is harder to come by now. i cant help but to wonder where i went so terribly wrong. how did i mess up? how did i become this person i am today? i wish things could go back to how they used to be. simple and joyful. oh i wish to go back to simpler days. i know that will never happen but why not wish it to?