Wondering

Sometimes I wonder if all of my actions are mistakes?
Is my heart healing? & if so I wonder how long this takes?
Do I rush into things too quick?
Am I afraid of relationships because what if she’s not the right pick?
& that’s when I start to feel sick. 
I feel doubts like I want out,
But I’m not even in, what’s this about? What’s this that I feel within?
Is it too early to get serious?
With these illusions of grandeur & then I feel delirious. 
Maybe I should just wait & focus on myself,
Because if I don’t who will? Well no one else. 
I start questioning and second guessing. 
These feelings I’m confessing, yet I still don’t know why I’m stressing.
I feel like it’s so hard to start anew,
Especially after my history. 
I wish I knew what to do,
But my future will always be a mystery.