Words Don’t Go Away

I watched the stars yesterday. I wondered who I am, and who you are. What I wanted wasn’t real, it wasn’t something I could buy or steal. I wanted to be stuck in the days of yesterday, the days where you were my everything. Where times were different and everything was significant. I look back and think I could just go back, common sense is something I honestly lack. I wanted to feel your touch, I wanted to see you smile, I wanted to love you so much. 

I can’t see a faith or anything that makes me feel like I can actually figure this out. I feel sadness watching the leaves fall, heartbreak watching a cats purr stall. 

I always wondered if I was just a waste of space but these thoughts wouldn’t be alive if I wasn’t. You held me down, as I was hanging off the ledge of the tallest building in town. I see inside, to a darkness never before seen, never before even passed, glanced at or noticed by a human soul. 

I need to let this demon go. I need to let myself pour out, more powerful than an volcanic eruption, more disastrous than an asteroid, than a hurricane or an earthquake. At a time in history I wanted to make you mine, at once I made time stop on a dime. I kissed you under the light of the biggest burning star, I didn’t know who I was or what you are. 

What I am I barely understand, I feel I was blindfolded and placed in a land with no color, everything so bland. I look into my heart and I must of forgot because this heart though beating shows so much more damage than it leads on, memories of bad times just keep repeating. 

At times I wondered if I should just end my life, cut out my existence, turn off this light. I am not a diagnosis, I am not a prisoner of insanity, the pills don’t define me, the mental facilities never let me be. I lost my talent, my flame, I lost who I was, I lost my name. 

Memories are meant to stay, no matter how hard you try they will never go away. The human brain shows so much more, it shows your time line, sadly it doesn’t show that I don’t wish to live anymore. 

I’m a sad teenager with a life so frustrating it’ll make the most sane person so mad. Relate or don’t these words won’t stop, they are all I have; though they can be powerful, leaving something dramatic like a mic drop. 

I watched the stars yesterday. I no longer wonder who I am or who you are. What I want still isn’t real, the world is full of liars, monsters who smiles they steal. I wanted to be stuck in the days of yesterday, I wanted all my worries to go away. Now I notice, everything in life, happiness isn’t given to you, sometimes you get shitty things handed to you that you can’t give back. 

Always remember the words I say, for in the end, they will never go away.