Poem - 18 April 2025, 17:53

You and Your Words

.....

I use dark evil jokes, and twisted sarcasm to mask my pain
Because I've already once lost everything,
The only way to go now is forward to see what else I can gain
I found my inner peace when I left your house
I found my inner peace when I let myself be loved by my spouse
The second I even start to think about you
It doesn't take long for everything to change
It doesn't take long for everything to come undone
But the difference is, I'm growing and learning
You're stuck in your own old ways, like seriously, come on
Doesn't it bother you that whenever I hear your voice
I have to give myself a lecture, I have to give myself some space
Your voice is like a very thick, nasty venom running through my veins
Your touch is so infuriating, so frustrating, it's messing with my brain
But it's your words that hurt the most,
It's your words that make me wish instead
That I was the one turning on a rod during a pigs roast
I don't even want to begin to imagine;
What you're going to be like when you're a ghost
Your words are harsh, ugly, bitter, mean,
They don't ever fall short of nothing far or more in between
So just keep throwing the daggers into my heart
Your words are so strong, and so hateful,
that they've got me in a chokehold
Cutting off any and all oxygen
that's fading away from reaching my brain
When I was younger, you're all I ever needed
But as I've gotten older, you're all I never wanted
I'm going crazy because of you and because of your words
I'm stronger now, and much wiser, yes, I know,
But there are days, sometimes weeks, hell, even months
When I'm reminded of your words, your voice, your touch
And I can't help but just sit on my bed and cry, falling apart
Don't you understand that you created a demon inside of me?
A demon I can't seem to get rid of for the life of me?
Because it's not MY demon, it's yours, and it doesn't belong in my head
It's YOUR demon, living rent free, in my skull,
Making me wish sometimes, that I WAS DEAD
I'll never forget those words you once said to me though
That I'm the reason you want to die.
I thought I was the reason you smiled, but I guess that was more lies
Because everything you've ever said,
resulted in me screaming and crying
Left alone to pick up all the pieces off my floor
Because you were just a young girl who was just playing pretend
And when it actually happened, it became too real,
It became too much for you to handle on your own
I can't figure out how this is my fault?
Can you please tell me how this is my fault?
Because I want the same thing that you do
For all this pain to just stop..
And end.