Abortion

        My crush would never pay attention to me. He was always surrounded by girls who looked like models and girls who did things no Catholic girl would do. He was gorgeous, That brown slick hair and that killer smile. But of course, I was never the one he looked at ..I was just a wall flower . One day after school while making my way out of choir practice, I ran into Jake my crush. I wasn't sure on what to say, my jaw dropped and the breeze of air moved in between my legs making my skirt sway. I was embarrassed what would he think? Nothing. He smiled and said " I haven't seen you before". I got quite because honestly? this was the 1st time I ever saw him after 4 in these blue and white halls. "Oh, I been around" I slowly pointed to the choir room. "Oh so you can sing?" he made it seem as if he said it before. I just looked down pretending the floor was interesting. "I'll see yah around " that's what he said and that was that. I watched him disappear, I admired his beauty from the distance.  As soon as I lost his sight I walked to the chapel that was connected to the school. I remember sitting on my knees and my hands well put together . I prayed and asked God to give me a miracle, for Jake to talk to me again. Now it sounds like a pathetic request but at that point ...that was all I wanted.

        On my way home I passed up the same houses, same faces, same grass. But a little further down the block my face met the face of a man with dark hair . He sat in the passenger seat inside a red truck. He stared at me on the side mirror and I tried my best to ignore him. It was hard knowing I had to walk that way just to go home. As I got closer and closer a grin appeared on to his face. I Grew nervous as I got closer but their was no way to run. The other turn was a dead end and if I were to run back ...I don't know another way to go home. I  made myself believe I was just picturing this creepy image of a man glaring at me with an awful smile. Then I found myself next to the truck and the mans face turned to stare at me. "Hey sweetie!" he talked. I froze and all I could see was the man, and all I could hear was the engine. Then from the back seat appeared Jake, and like always ignored me....I was the flower on the wall. "I see you know my son, he's talked allot about you!" said the man ,but I still couldn't talk." Would you like a ride home, im waiting for my wife?" said the man.

               "Yeah would you like a ride?" I heard jakes voice and it echoed into my ears. I slightly shrugged and then said yes. I wish I would have said no because I wasn't aware of the disaster that was yet to come. I sat in the back feeling cramped. It was a small truck and seats that felt like human skin. If I wanted to escape I thought, their wouldn't be a way out. A lady dressed in a black dress and pearled necklace hoped into the car. I felt like she was getting ready to sale Avon . When she saw me through the mirror she smiled and said "Howdy". Why do they all smile? I thought. Jake and I talked in the back seat for the 1st actual time. He asked what I wanted to do with myself, ,and what I thought about Christianity . I realized that after awhile I couldn't recognize the streets and that we passed my house. I guess I got in to the conversation a little too much ,and I forgot to inform his parents to the directions of my house.

       "Hey sorry but we missed my house, I was talking to your son and I forgot to tell you where I lived" , but they just kept on driving. It got quite and the very little conversation that was going on ceased. "Oh Mary you know very well to not hop in the car with strangers" the man said to me. Jakes mom and dad started to look at each other and both smiled through the mirror at the top. "GET HER!" Jakes mom commanded . I was trapped . I tried to back away , I tried kicking, I tried shouting but I could no longer see anything. The road was dark and they kept on driving into the distance ,and I didn't know where I was. Jake huddled on top of me, taking off my clothes and his parents cheering in the front. "We're going to be grandparents now!" he screamed, and that haunted me. When he was touching me, I cried and thought about how much I just wanted to die. "You see Mary I didn't want my son to sleep with whores so he ended up picking you! he stayed after school today just to find you "how she laughed some more". "I knew you were going to be easy Mar, I knew you liked me". he wrapped his tongue on my neck and pushed me further down just to please himself. I Began to cry even more and wail even louder knowing I was just being used, I was just a girl who fell for the most simple question. When someone you don't know asks you for a ride?- You say no. I remember squeezing my eyes tight and eventually it was over. They took me home just like that. 

              When I got home, my parents were fighting back and fourth just like they always do. I walked in and I was the wall flower. They didn't notice my ripped up skirt, they didn't notice the dry blood on the side, my tears, my frightened face. I walked to school the next morning making it seem like if yesterday was nothing. I was traumatized though, cars parked on the side scared me and I ran without stopping when I had to walk past them. I stopped looking at people and once again when I was spoken too....I looked down. At school Jake was not their. He wasn't their for a whole week and I later learned that he got arrested for raping a 13 year old girl. As for his parents ? they weren't . They were his local neighbors. I heard they were a couple who tried to have a baby but never could, so they convinced Jake to have sex with girls for money and drugs in return. Jake wasn't 17 he was 24.......I guess the school never knew, and neither  did I. I Collapsed on to the floor in the middle of mass after I found out the truth. Nothing made sense, and once again I felt so used.

       I woke up in the hospital and told me what happened. It turns out that I was pregnant and I was due in the summer of late June. "Congratulations!" the doctors said. I couldn't open my mouth to tell them my story, and why I was pregnant. Nothing mattered, I didn't matter and I just wanted this baby out of me. This baby would forever haunt me, and only remind of the one who brutally convinced me  that I was important ....for that one bit. When the doctors asked me when I wanted to set an appointment for an ultra sound , I hesitated and asked if I could have an abortion instead. They looked at each other and agreed that it was fine. Eventually I got what I wanted and nobody knew. Nobody knew that I got raped, no body knew  I was going to have a baby by Jake. It was better that way....I was already hurt enough and to bare his child was something I couldn't handle. Time passed and how I tried to forget that event though at times it would replay in my head like a horror flick.