Do Not Give Up On Yourself

My name is ---- -----. I am fifteen years old. I have been living my life in fear. I have been living life in fear of failing. I not only want to change, I am going to change.

I started playing basketball in the 3rd grade all up until the end of the 7th grade. Throughout this time period I also tried the sports softball, volleyball, and track. All in which I failed to succeed or stay in. I quit these sports because someone always remained better. I felt unworthy to thrive.

Basketball acted as my sport. I was in love with the game. I would do anything for the game of basketball. I felt as if I had a family with the players on the team and I felt as if I was being pushed to my best benefit. The only down factor was that I remember being scared of failing. I remained unfit for the consequences of failing. I wasn’t ready for the harrowing yelling that was casted upon the girls that played the most in the games, I wasn’t ready for the disappointment of the losing of one game, and I surely wasn’t ready to step foot on the court. This was all because of the fear that took over. The main source radiating off this fear was the constant thought of what others were going to think of me. I was a kid who only wanted to be a part of a fun game and a light element. It took little time for me to realize that basketball was considered more than a game to be enjoyed. If you screwed up, that would take permanent part in your identity and determine whether or not you played again.

I remember showing up to tournaments and getting angry by seeing all the same players play the same game. I became angry because I watched all these girls make the same mistakes I had made but them still given the chance to stay in the game for as long as they pleased. Meanwhile, I,  and my other lower-classed friends were put in the games for the last 15 seconds. I remember having family who traveled in horrible weather for over 3 hours to come and see me play. I remember being so disappointed because I didn’t get to play for 15 seconds that I ended up bawling every time after a game was played. This had happened so many times. I slowly realized that basketball had not been benefiting me anymore, but it had been breaking me. It had been stripping my self confidence away, it had been teaching me how to accept emotional abuse, and it had been teaching me to not stand up for what was right.

Because of this, I quit everything I tried. I quit because I was afraid of not being good enough. I spent time to regenerate. I educated myself. I let myself heal from the damage that had remained. Then I made the best decision of my life. I started running. Running is so different from any other sport. It is an individual sport which only allows you to be your own savior. You are the boss. The only person in charge of succeeding is you. Unfairness is not an attribute to this sport. You will not sit on the bench with this sport. I had not ran the sport “track or xc” since early middle school. I only run on my free time because once again I had remained scared of what others thought. That was all until my mindset changed.

I am a girl in high school who is fifteen years old. Running does not determine my whole life. Nothing is going to happen if I screw up. Running only benefits me and no one else. Running is a very tough sport to get into and very self disciplining. If someone has the guts to judge me for I love, so what? They sure in hell are probably not running, therefore it is an inaccurate judgement. Plus, it would be pretty sad if they had nothing better to do than judge a fifteen year old on their free time.

I  decided to stop this bad habit of giving up on myself and doing the things I love. I will compete this year in track and cross country and I surely will not second guess myself on my decision.

If you find yourself struggling in a situation: take time off, regenerate, educate yourself, find a hobby in which you love, and most importantly, do not give up on yourself. You are not worth giving up on.