Im giving up on you

Today i sat in the car as my friend drove her new car.I heard this song on the radio that captured my attention because i felt like the song was reading my mind. Those lyrics described everything i have gone through in my life, esp. the part when they sang "Say something im giving up on you". Its like i froze in a moment in time and i had flash backs on my  previous relationships and many others i have had the past. I have given up on people,and not because i didn't care. I cared too much and they never showed it. I remembered about how sad i was last night and didn't sleep till sunrise because i couldn't stop thinking about some argument i had with someone who was once my everything. As i sat in the car i kept looking out the window to find the man i saw in my dreams six years ago, the one i got into an argument with. I gave up on people who gave up on me, who gave up on what everyone claimed they wanted most which is "love". I just couldn't understand why people could toss that word back and forth then take it away because suddenly they weren't sure anymore. "Say something im giving up on you", the lyrics come again on repeat. You know whats weird though? every time i did get hurt by another man, or another relationship gone wrong...I'd blame him ( the main guy who i truly loved). Why?- Because i believed that if he never hurt me to begin with no one else would, and i know that im wrong for believing so. It would make me HATE him so bad,but yet still love him. I used to believe that if two people were meant to be they'd always find each other again.-Wrong, how wrong of me to believe. "say something im giving up on you"...the lyrics wouldn't stop. You know this man i keep talking about? well when we were together we were both kids. Those weird kids , those happy kids...and so in love.... I would write him letters about my life daily even if it was simple, so when he came to visit me ,he would have something to read about. I kept everything in a yellow school folder, with cute lovey notes,and letters,and pictures of me ,and my art work. I wanted him to take a piece of me home when he went back to Dallas....esp. my heart. We broke up after being together within a year and distance killed us both. I would still write to him about my day, i would still draw him things and i still took pictures ,expect he wouldn't receive them and the yellow folder was gone. I still haven't stopped six years later. From time to time i'd write a little poem about him, and i would always preform songs in front of audiences singing things about my past...about him. It was my secret,and no body knew but myself. You know he told me he still has my yellow folder?...... Every time we found each other we'd argue about the past..... i dont know why. He'd slip in saying "I still LOVE YOU" and then the next "I DONT KNOW....." I understand that now its normal to never forget your first love ,because i never will i just hope he knows it. I hope that one day he reads everything that i wrote on here and everything i have put up. I know that one day i will find love again, and it'll be sweet, kind and so on...I thought about all these things as i sat in the car listening to this song. "Im giving up on you....." and then i slowly exited the car.