Not What I Wanted...

Have you  ever wondered why you weren't overly excited about something that so many others are? Have you been asked multiple times if you were alright? Do you let your happiness depend on someone or something?

My life has been dramatic. Many things have occurred right after the other... Let's say I molded myself into someone that wouldn't be able to get hurt as easily as every one else does. I don't like letting other people have control over my emotions. I somehow erased all my emotions. I turned into someone that has an iron wall protecting my mind. I've became the best at mind games, and I've also been the best at pushing people away from me that actually cared. Happiness? Yeah, I don't know what that feels like, but I think I have a good enough idea. Anger? Mmhmm, I see that often in other people, and I promise myself I will never be that angry at something so small. Sadness? Well...I know what this feels like, from a mistake made on my behalf. The point is, this was never what I wanted. 

I never dreamed of living my life this way. I didn't wish to be a "cold-hearted" person. It just happened. I wish I could turn my life around, because this is not what I wanted. I wish I was  so many other things, but then again I LOVE being different. I firmly believe that being different is a big part of how to survive life. I wish this life was what I wanted, but I know it doesn't work like that. So I'll spend each day determining how I can somehow alter my personality, but still be who I am.