Poetic Vignette Afloat On A Whole Grain Cheerio A No Bran Er!

Mom called my name as she madly dashed out the kitchen door!
“Matthew Scott, you must get ready for school AT ONCE! Get your scrawny ass out of bed pronto! I’ll count to ten!”
Mister Gruff (the grizzled bearish bus driver) angrily honked the horn bon jure.
“He will not wait!” She bellowed so loud as to exceed decibel tolerance threshold, nor acquiesced plaintive beseeching (courtesy mine silent spring pleadings) intolerance to desist her big bang roar, which vocal blast heard clear across the universe.
Matter of fact this cartoon caricature curmudgeon rarely even slowed, but expected students to leap like a pterodactyl while bus continued and rode traveling at faster than greased lightning clip. Her angry voice sounded somewhat muffled eventually barely heard as yours truly retreated to closeted hideaway. Nevertheless, I discerned (heard and felt) sonic boom (sound waves) without ability to distinguish distinct words. Imagine friend or foe mad as an irate red bull in a China shop mouthing, pawing the ground, and snorting. Her furious utterance lost among clatter and din of screen mesh frame banging and slamming against wooden portal separating me from fickle finger of fate awaiting to transport yours truly what appeared as the outer limits of the twilight zone.
Hark! A purring voice emanated, concatenated, and appeared from resident disembodied Miss Cheviot resident bewitched cat woman spirit. She reputedly, purportedly, and lovingly linkedin to friendly ghost harmless hologram, who spent one lifetime (out of nine) as ghastly female feline guest actually caterwauling acapella viz doppelganger runt of litter bestowed to us courtesy Marsha Kummerer. The former, (I would soon rediscover) unwittingly possessed uncanny Felis catus ability to reincarnate from ethereal to corporeal essence and clairvoyance to communicate with other animals in close proximity. Additionally, said property pet peeve possessed means to shift into catatonic stare, and thence communicate mentally with petsmart telepathy to our four footed domestic pet kitty, which latter will be mentioned a small number of paragraphs fur thar along.
No sooner went thru my mind the thought (if only there would be some way to avoid going to school and avoid dealing with the “Lizard” and “Volcano” two employed teachers who took an especial loathing toward one long haired pencil necked geeky and nerdy kid) me thine desire made manifest! As a painfully shy lad ofttimes feeling like just another brick in the wall (think Pink Floyd – album of the same name), I dreaded school. 
Hence when aforementioned notion barely coalesced in my mind than bitta bing bitta bang prestidigitation, I became overjoyed - cause far fetched wish yours truly harbored wrought me transformed. I suddenly realized while finger toyed with outsize totally tubular twist tie (as if in a dream) my whole body shrunk and tumbled into what looked like the most humungous size bowl. Kerplunk went mini me. I floundered (like a fish out of water) er rather in bowl of Cheerios cereal grains creating clunk bumping into grandiose oval floaters – ordinarily ring size bits suddenly ballooned into a chunk deadly as an ice floe if collided with this Narberth kid – this haint no bunk.
No matter escape impossible mission, I merely bobbed inside the deep dish of milk and cheerios poured by smallish sized hands moments ago now fish food for kitty. With above average auditory ability, my ears of this impish shrunken proletariat, (now practically infinitesimal buds) discerned evident familiar footsteps from afar. The quick pitter-patter of approaching not gent lee, boot syncopated and sinister footfalls upon wooden floor set me pent up with panic stricken anxiety timed to synchronized heavy footfalls as they went from one room of the house to the other finding me madly splashing about (in the I LOVE CHEERIOS BOWL) attempting to hide from mommy dearest doubtless she would espy her son pretending nothing unusual as I would flout for dear life praying no notice taken, whence she would grumble and pout analogous to little teapot short and stout. No such luck.
Mother entered with fury (never calling retreat), and slammed the front door aimed to rout with wrath in every bone of tectonic force, where seismologists did suspect deadly earthquake wrought havoc in Lower Merion! “Matthew Scott you derelict, I will not let you play hooky!”
Without delay, I quickly and gingerly did glide thru a mass of soggy cheerios!
Although the general mills “O” shape granular hide cereal pieces happened to be saturated with milk, I did manage to locate one (sense and sensibility came to the rescue) without prejudice but pride ah, a Siamese twin cheerios allowed me to avoid drowning and perhaps taking a ride albeit unwelcome - ending up in the stomach of Twinkles (also known as Twinkie) in cahoots with clairvoyant Miss Cheviot – whom yours truly quickly esse spied the family cat. She now loomed large and mouth horribly wide with dagger like teeth resebling some magnified feline with one ferocious meow! I latched both hands (for dear life), the underside of fused Cheerios and tried to keep out of sight those eyes fear fully burned like red hot coals, and expected to be shaken out my precarious lair a very flimsy mooring either from another bellow from mommy dearest or scare re: lee swallowed alive by Johah the whale of a feline, when deathly hallows where wolves sucked out pandemonium. Nothing but sound of silence that seemed to last an eternity, whence moments before bedlam filled the air in sync with coeval two sets of two dark eyes, each keen miniature tri cornered British shaped quiet riotous ear scanned dining area for any sign of this prankster of a son!
Fear gripped me like as lumbering gait inched closer! Mama's heavy breathing heard rolling and roiling as infernal invisible odious presence rippling (believe me) and nearly drowning yours truly treading liquid within quite soggy bowl of cereal. “For Pete sakes” she roared (like Tony the Tiger in Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes reeling in childhood commercial near capsized my craft), where in tarnation steel one did you go, my little honey bunches of oats.” Endearments (with references to some tasty morsel) frequently employed in the past, when this lad played slew of pranks, which creativity mom never seemed to appreciate. She seething lee rue mon hated lathering term of affection toward her precocious offspring, whom she ranked offal as poo beyond resuscitation worse than a fallen angel.
Amen!
Without peering into congealed blend of Cheerios slush (which began to metamorphose into some miniature bog), she hunted in a rush around the more likely (and previous secret) hideouts blaring my name with mushy pet names (in tandem with a string of colorful expletives), as preliminary lush impending wrathful warnings of unpleasant fate that awaited this flush with fright, a falun gong prodigal son.
As dreaded footsteps faded into the black away from eating area, she began to traipse upstairs (a logical presumption knack re: intuition, this child usually scuttled either under bed or in closet), lacking no time to waste, an attempt made to pull myself over lip of very slippery cereal bowl.
This feat on par with Olympic trained track and field athlete competing in the most difficult race. No matter wrack kin pinion painful effort exerted to hoist (by my own petard) this lighter than dry Cheerio up over the edge (analogous to performing pole vault), with “hi ya wah tha” uttered to latch foothold found me cascading and splashing my itty bitty torso back amidst drenched kernels of cereal.
Aha!
Another ply ant thought occurred. Maybe, I could vacuum up piranha style every morsel and swell up like a small- scale beach ball. Then I might cross mile stone, and roll back and forth knocking this plastic bowl on the floor with guile.
The idea quickly discarded yuck…bloating like an engorged tick filled me with bile,
and left an awful taste in my mouth. With one final exertion, I managed to summon one last ounce of effort from every cell of this shrunken being to perform rumba bank shot and catapulted myself over lip of this surreal fish bowl flat on my tum.
Like some free floating radical trapeze artist, the defiance per laws of gravity sent me scaling high above the fruitful plane flapping hands as faux paws.
A sudden gust of wind from fuming female furnace tossed, whipped sawed, and nearly creamed this itty-bitty boy into smithereens. Fortunate bang issued from screen door got wrenched awry saving this bite size kid from getting crushed. Although just a whirling infinitesimal speck, I felt cheerful disposition especially since circumstance carried me out of that ticky-tacky box (on the hillside) away from cruel mother who never failed to dish out fire and brimstone authoritarianism.