Rock Bottom - Pt. 3

            Two hours into the awards ceremony came the section she had been anticipating for months. This was her moment, she was certain of it. This would be the medal she will wear on her chest for the rest of her life. She grabbed the chair tightly with anxiety, experiencing cold sweats and hot flushes. She wasn’t sure if was because of the cocaine or it was a mixture of things like: how long she’s gone without a cocaine, how much she had, or how little. Michael stood on stage and introduced the nominees for the award. He looked magnificent.

            “And now, we come to the section we’ve all been waiting for, The Best Female Actress award. Ladies, hold your hats.” The audience chuckled. “The nominees are:

            Cassandra Delton
            Lucy Everton
            Felicity Moore
            Sophia Andrea Saxon
            Juliet Robinski
            And Eliza Grace.

So, there are our nominees.” He spoke through the microphone with a charming presenters accent. Eliza’s heart stopped when it became silent, the crew around her had also frozen in place, music in the background consistent of tense drums, which matched the rhythm of her heart.

            “And the winner for Best Female Actress, is…”

            Eliza kept the perfect poker face, as the cameras pointed at her. The cameras zoomed closer in as time passed.

            “Cassandra Delton.”

            A few of the crewmembers behind her gasped, then the crowd erupted in applaud. Her crewmembers looked at each other wearily but clapped for support. Eliza didn’t take her eyes off the trophy. Eliza politely clapped along, but slower than the rest of the audience. She kept a content face even though inside, her guts were flipping, her veins were throbbing with irritation and her heart had turned cold.

            “Unlucky gal.” Montgomery jeered.

            She didn’t even look at him or even acknowledge him, she gave no response, and she just sat there watching the award that should have been hers. The golden trophy that should be in her hands, rubbing against her skin, to be placed on her shelf. The trophy that resembled the Sun within the movie industry for women, she craved it so much. She watched as Cassandra gave her speech. No real passion at all in her voice, no tears, it was like it was just a small bump in her life, when it would be a mountain for Eliza. She so desperately thought this was the year, her year to be the source of glory and light throughout. Now she had to wait, had to go through a whole new term of gruesome hard work to achieve perfection. For the rest of the evening in that seat, she did not say a word, did not even move, she just let the deep emotions within her writhe.

            Eliza hastily walked to the bar, whisking past people who wanted to speak to her, share their thoughts and kiss her rosy cheeks. She paid no attention to them.

            “2 double scotch on the rocks pronto.” She ordered. The barmaid raised her eyebrows and got to work with the drinks quickly. Eliza watched as she poured the alcohol into her cup and yearned to drink it.

            “Can I smoke in here?” Eliza asked as she was pulling out a cigarette from her sparkly purse.

            “No you can’t ma’am.” The barmaid responded.

            “Tough.” Eliza said, pointing her eyes at her as she lit the cigarette. She picked up one drink and downed it within a couple of seconds and again followed by the next drink. She stood at the bar smoking her cigarette watching the actors and actresses walk by. She noticed Felicity glided past her with a smug look on her face as if she was pleased Cassandra won the award because it aggravated Eliza. She did not care about her one bit. She noticed Cassandra close behind her. Her rage built layers through her, stacking brick by brick in her head. She found herself automatically walking over to the young winner.

            “Congratulations darling.” Eliza rejoiced interrupting whatever conversation she might have been having. “Well deserved, well deserved. Do you fancy a drink with me sweetie?” She asked Cassandra, who was at least half a foot smaller with smoky blonde hair and small features for her face shape. Cassandra was slightly uncomfortable with her arrival in the group and even more agitated she wanted to share a drink. She looked at her friends for help.

“We were just about to leave for a meal Miss Grace.” Cassandra’s manager chimed in trying to save the situation.

            “I was talking to Cassandra, now come, come. One quick drink won’t hurt.” She moved herself so she could place her hand on the mid of Cassandra’s back and gently edged her forward toward the bar. Cassandra obliged. They both stood together, so differently stunning. Looking at each other, assessing the situation.

            “2 martinis please.” Cassandra asked politely.

            “Make that 1 martini and a scotch please.” Eliza corrected to the barmaid.

“Cassandra I have to say I am shocked with your win. What was your last movie?” Eliza asked as if totally oblivious to whom she was. Cassandra took a sip of her drink before answering as if she needed encouragement.

            “Save The Date’.” Cassandra chirped.

            “Um, oh, oh yes I think I know the film. The one about the war?” Eliza lied.

            “No, it was about a marriage affair.” Cassandra disapprovingly smiled, she knew what Eliza was trying to do.

            “Oh sorry, I’m not too current with movies at this moment in time. I’ve been so busy filming. Do you enjoy acting then sweetheart?” Eliza said, shortly after downing her scotch. She rested her elbow on the bar and laid her chin on her hand as if she was waiting to listen very intently in what Cassandra had to say. Her head began to swim in the amount of alcohol she had consumed.

            “Yes it’s very fulfilling but it’s becoming very handy at putting my foot in the door for singing. That’s always been my dream.” Cassandra explained with a smirk, she was testing her. Eliza’s defences immediately shot up; her throat had a thousand offensive words violently wanting to escape through. But instead they all went to her head and bounced about in there. This woman just won the most honourable award for this career and she’s used it as an entrance matt for singing.

            “Singing, how very modern.” Eliza replied. “Tell me Cassandra, which judges dick did you have suck to get that award?” Eliza coolly asked. Cassandra’s cheeks started to glaze bright pink. And she forcefully placed her glass back on the bar causing liquor to splash out of it slightly. Eliza didn’t respond in the slightest.

            “Not all of us have to. I’m not the one who stripped in an audition. Go fuck yourself Eliza.” Cassandra responded with an aggressive tone, but walked off calmly. Eliza looked straight ahead in the distance to where Cassandra was standing and her lip trembled. This girl had no idea what she has been through to get where she is now and she walked away with her most priced possession. Her eyes began to wet with tears, so she instantly turned away and began walking back to her room. She saw Michael pop out from behind the corner and she wiped her eyes, which smudged her makeup slightly and put her best smile on. Unsteadily she walked over to him.

            “Michael, fantastic show darling. You deserve an award of your own.” She laughed, the few people Michael had entered the room with awkwardly laughed and walked away to leave them space.

            “Miss Grace, you’re much too kind. Now if you excus-”

            “Any time sweetie. How do you feel about, repeating earlier? But with a little extra magic?” She opened her purse to reveal cocaine. And gave him a cheeky smile and flirtatiously bit her lip. She hadn’t noticed people walking behind her and giving judgemental looks. Michael became a bit uneasy.

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about Miss Grace.” He fobbed, trying to move away from her. Eliza look confused, and scoffed a laugh.

            “Quit playing around, why, why are you being like this?” She stammered and also stumbled whilst she spoke. Her heart sank at his shun towards her.

            “I was with my crew earlier, I was never with you.” He said demandingly looking down at her with a clenched jaw. “I also think I dropped my ring by your door, I’ll come and collect it later.” She looked at him with hatred and the tears welled up in her eyes again. Seems her decision backfired and yet again she regrets letting her guard down. This was the last time she ever let herself go. Her mouth tightened and she breathed heavily. She looked into her traitor’s eyes.

            “Well.” She shakily replied. “I hope that ring lasts longer than you.” She spat and stormed off holding back the flood that was about to escape her eyes. Eliza heard a faint ‘Bitch’ in the background. She came to her door and struggled to unlock it, she violently moved the doorknob up and down and moving the lock trying to get in. People walked past, men keeping their lady away from her. Once the door opened she slammed it, locked it and was stood in darkness. She stayed still for a few seconds and let the tears fall down her face. Eliza whimpered and moaned. She hated herself and she hated everything. She tasted the salty tears on her tongue and couldn’t decide if it tasted of waste or failure. She raised her hand to try and find the light. Click, brightness overwhelmed the room and flowers were laid out for her on every surface. With little notes that had compliments after compliments smeared across the paper, black ink staining words which were lies.

               She counted the endless row of flowers, 14, 15, 16 and so on and so on. How can so many people pretend to love her? How can she not even pretend? She either loved no one or loved too much. She had no true friends, only people who want her attention, want to be her, who want her. Have her. Use her. Abuse her. Lose her. Lose her. Lose her. Lose everything.

                        Knock knock knock

            Eliza closed the door to her senses and opened the door to her demons. She grabbed each bouquet of roses, tulips and orchards and threw them with all her strength around the room, on the floor, stomping, crushing and destroying all gifts that were in her sight, screaming. Once she’d finished with the flowers she moved onto furniture. Kicking chairs, ripping her dress, throwing mirrors, makeup anything in her way. She was on a path to self-destruction. All her efforts wasted. All her triumphs and gratitude pissed away. She was never going to be perfect, that’s all she wanted to be. But someone would cross paths with her and eat away at her purity, her innocence. She drew closer and closer to the darkness each day that passed. All this hard work and pain and beauty meant nothing anymore. When all she felt inside was ragged edged emotions, disappointment, embarrassment and regret.

                                    Knock knock knock

            She looked in the mirror, which had cracked during the commotion, she saw a stranger. Slumped shoulders, breathing heavily, mouth open, makeup smeared down their face with tears, wild eyes, hair standing on end but yet she stood in a beautiful dress. It was Eliza. Her heart stopped. She’d never seen herself in this state; she even noticed her hands were cut from objects in the room, so blood dripped from her cuts onto her feet and floor. She walked closer to the mirror staring at herself and the stranger she’d become. Eliza’s lashes were wonky and underneath them were sad eyes. She looked at her chapped lips and her cheeks, her soft damp skin and she then noticed a fine line in the corner of her eye. A wrinkle. She touched it stretching it out to try and fix the error. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t regain her youth.

            KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

            “Miss Grace! Are you okay? Unlock the door Miss Grace.” Valerie shouted through the door. Eliza heard murmurs of deep male voices and high-pitched females chirping outside her door. She heard them, but didn’t process them.

            “Miss Grace, we insist you open the door, we heard noises and must ensure you are okay.” An unfamiliar male voice boomed through the door. The handle rattled and rattled but Eliza just stared deeper and deeper into herself in the mirror. The more she withdrew the more she felt helpless and hopeless. She wasn’t who she used to be anymore; she was a different being with different morals. All her admiration and inspiration had left her body, leaving this heap of flesh with no real desire. She was miserable and had only just discovered. How long had she really felt like this? How long had she been covering up the hurt with makeup and false smiles? To be an actress, you are the biggest pretender. She had succeeded. She had acted her life with who she wanted to be, not who she was.  A zombie like expression sunk into her facial features, it was like Eliza had completely retreated to her head. On autopilot, she turned to her left and opened the draw to the black desk, inside was her collection of narcotics and the occasional lipsticks.

                        KNOCK KNOCK BANG BANG

            She picked up a bottle of concentrated pills that had been especially made for her, for relaxation, to unwind from her troubles. She had yet to try them out. She picked up the bottle and opened the lid, relaxed her sweaty palm and poured a handful into her hand.

                        BANG BANG BANG

            “Eliza, we’re going to enter! Stand away from the door.” A gruff male voice shouted. Eliza looked at the pills, white, with a tiny dented line down the middle. They looked like little rocks. These were her rocks. She imagined the homeless gentleman from when this all began, looking at her in the mirror.

            They were so small, but they would impact her life forever. These tablets will make more of an impact than she ever could on the world. She made her way to the en-suite toilet and locked the door behind her, resting her back on the door. Eliza was trembling, sweat trickling down her neck. She felt worthless now. But she was going to end her life the most typical way imaginable. Lifting her shaking hand, she poured all the pills into her mouth and she forced herself to swallow them all, choking as she did. She gasped for air.

                        BANG

            Eliza’s door swung open and a couple of strong heavy security men fell inside, they paced about, kicking away the mess she’d made.

            “Eliza?” One man called.

Several more people edged their way into the room, Valerie, her director, Montgomery, Michael and some of her team. They were all very anxious for her well-being. Valerie thought first to mention,

            “She has an en-suite, check in there.”

            The two security men, tried to open the door but it was also locked, the crowd grew more agitated and annoyed. Faces were frowning, shocked, sad, confused and the security men began the same routine with the entrance door and began forcing entry. Whilst on the other side of that door Eliza had in the meantime laid herself in the bathtub. She had run cold water half way filling the tub, her feet resting on the edge of the bath. Her dying wet blonde hair floated eerily in the water along with her beautiful gold dress, slowly swaying with the last ripples and chunks of half digested pills which also clung onto her skin. Her skin was pale, like a porcelain doll. She lay perfectly still. Eyes expressionless with lost trace of any life. Make up had run down her face with tear tracks. Her head had been deprived of oxygen as a hint of blue radiated from her skin.

            Her dreams came true through her death. Her death became the most famous tragedy of the decade. Everyone knew her name. Everyone will remember her as the ‘Lost Princess of Hollywood’. Her films would run forever. Tributes will be made. Her face will be plastered on every surface. She became a worldwide icon.

            Her death brought her name to life.

E.T.